The 'I Read It On The Internet' Blog

Borderline

2008-03-10T23:26:00.000-07:00

Madonna was just one of the bigger names inducted into this year's Class of 2008 edition of the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. But instead of singing live like most of the other inductees (at least the ones still among us), she allowed none other than Iggy Pop to interpret a couple of her songs during the live ceremony Monday night. But...why Iggy Pop?! Was Weird Al Yankovic not available?!

Lucky Star

After an extreeeeeemely lengthy introduction by Justin Timberlake, Madonna approached the podium and offered up and exreeeeeeeemely lengthy recap of her rock and roll career (ehem). She looked fantastic, but she must've decided that she didn't want to let them see her sweat, so instead of performing any one of her many, many classic rock and roll hits (ehem), she chose instead to sit down front and center alongside Justin and her manager and allow true rock and roll legend Iggy Pop to sing for her. And his choice of Madonna tunes? Ray of Light. How appropriate! (sample lyric: "She's got herself a universe...she's got herself a universe.....") Then again, maybe that IS appropriate.

"Keep It Together, Justin"

"Check, please!"

This had to be one of the weirdest, most awkward moments in rock and roll history ever televised. Even the unflappable Clive Davis looked stunned as a shirtless Iggy jumped down from the stage and tried to motivate the room full of music industry movers and shakers. Only this crowd wasn't moving or shaking.

"Feel the music!", Iggy shouted to the crowd...."Feel Something!"
My skin is still crawling.

Rescue Me

After the performance, the cameras followed Iggy backstage, where he introduced a stunned and awkward Madonna to members of his band, followed by a brief photo op. Pro that she is, Madonna put on her best game face and struck a provocative pose, anyway.

Meanwhile on stage, John Mellencamp graciously accepted his award and proceeded to wow the crowd with a nice set of three songs.....all sung by John Mellencamp.

Express Yourself

Why Do You Think They Call It The KillaCycle?!!

2007-09-16T20:46:00.000-07:00

"Killa Bill" On A Better Day

We thought it would be fun to attend this year's Wired NextFest at the Los Angeles Convention Center and take some videos to share with our viewers. So, we did. And we posted our videos on YouTube so that everyone on the World Wide Web would be able to enjoy them, and thus increase our exposure (we're always looking for ways to expose ourselves).

First up, our lame little videos.
We got to see an interesting demonstration of a wireless big screen TV....

And of course, the inevitable robot demo.....

Nice enough videos, you might say. But we know what you're thinking; "If you've seen one Korean spaceman robot in the likeness of Albert Einstein, you've seen them all".

However, we didn't think that we would be out-YouTubed by an incident that happened at the event the day prior to our attendance. But, we were. Those fine folks over at TGDaily.com got the scoop of the weekend by interviewing the inventor (and destroyer) of the world's fastest motorcycle, the "KillaCycle".

We'd love to post the YouTube video here, but those fine folks over at TGDaily have disabled the thing from blog-sharing, so we'll do them a huge favor anyway and post a link to their site where you can watch the actual interview and demontration and subsequent crash of the KillaCycle here.

(waiting for you to come back)

Yes, it was quite a demonstration. Imagine straddling a virtual rocket-on-wheels (they declare that the cycle can go from Zero to 60 mph. in less than one second!) and not thinking to put on some sort of protective gear. Say, maybe something like - oh, I don't know.....a HELMET??!!!!

Here's a few screen captures from the video of what happened....

Inventor Bill Dube during interview...

Inventor Bill Dube prepares for burn-out...

Inventor Bill Dube attempts a burn-out...

Inventor Bill Dube loses control of burn-out...

Inventor Bill Dube goes from
Zero to Flat in .09 seconds...

Inventor Bill Dube gets loaded up
for a slow ride to the E.R.

We're happy to report that Mr. Dube is fine. A little bruised up - both physically and egotistically - but no major damage. He even posted on his official Killacycle website that his fast-ass motorcycle was okay, despite a being a little bent. He's obviously a little bent, himself, if you ask us. But hey, there's no such thing as bad publicity. After all, he did a great job of stealing our thunder. And we're really looking forward to seeing what this nutcase does next!

Lindsay Lohan: "The Secret Of My Excess"

2007-07-29T11:42:00.000-07:00

"This Picture Is Just So Rude!"

Hi, everybody! It's me, Lindsay!* A lot of really, really mean and nasty things have been written about me this past week, and I just wanted to take this opportunity to set my record...er, set THE record straight about what really happened. Those annoying and nasty reporters have been saying that I'm out of control and that I'm a drunk and that I'm a drug addict and stuff. Well, that's just really rude! What did I ever do to deserve this kind of treatment?

I just don't know why the press makes me out to be some sort of wild and out-of-control party girl who drinks too much and does illegal drugs and doesn't show up on time for my movies and gets drunk in public places and then passes out in her car and then also drives drunk and also drives on a suspended license and drives over people's feet and stuff. I mean, come on! That's just so mean! And now they're saying that I was drunk one night this past week and chased my ex-assistant's mom in her SUV at 1:30 in the morning! That's just crazy! I would definitely remember if I did something like that!

"I don't remember doing
anything like this AT ALL!!!"

Anyway, I guess the police somehow believed the press, because now they have my mug shot plastered all over the internet. I just wonder how they can get away with distributing these obviously phony picture of me after being arrested! I mean, come on! I would obviously have remembered having my picture taken for the police! I'm really seriously thinking about suing somebody! It's just not fair how I keep getting picked on when I haven't done anything wrong! I don't even drink! Or do cocaine! Or pass out in my own car! Or drive over people's feet! I would definitely remember doing something like that!

"I SWEAR I would remember
doing something like this!"

So now, those nasty people in the press are saying that I might have to go to jail, or something. Why do they keep picking on me?! I always stop and pose for them when I walk down the red carpet and stuff! I always remember to use Visine before getting my picture taken for them! I just don't get why they want me to go to jail?! I haven't even done anything wrong! I really don't drink. Or do cocaine. Or pass out in my own car! Or drive over people's feet! I would definitely remember doing something like that!

"Here's another fake internet picture
of me looking drunk. How rude!!!"

So I really, really hope that this clears everything up! I personally would never print false stories about famous celebrities and their weird problems, or make fun of them on stupid websites! Obviously, there are a lot of people out there in the world that are just mean and stupid! So, now that I've stated my case and cleared everything up, maybe everybody will just go away and leave me alone. I really don't have time for all this mean stuff! I just want to have fun!
Lots and lots and lots of fun!

So anyway, everybody please go see my new movie, 'I Know Who Killed Me', playing in a theater near you! Oh, and my attorney wanted me to add this... "Addiction is a terrible and vicious disease". Whatever that means! Okay, I really gotta run! My friends are throwing a big support party for me later tonight at Les Deux!
Bye!!!

"I'm steppin' out tonight!!!"

*Written by Lindsay Lohan celebrity impersonator

"It's Fantacular!" (And Only Slightly Confurbing)

2007-07-15T14:20:00.000-07:00

New Words To Live By

Since we obviously don't have enough words in the English language to communicate effectively, every year around this time, the fine folks over at Mirriam-Webster announce their newest entries for their latest version of America's best-selling dictionary, Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, Eleventh Edition. It's not an easy job selecting which words are deemed worthy enough for submission, and even though we at I Read It On The Internet have done our best in the past to offer up our own selection (see previous story) it's still up to those fine folks at Mirriam-Webster to be The Deciders.

"I Am STILL The Decider,
And That Word Is Copywrited!"

And even though we would have loved to see our own previous suggestions from last year chosen (they weren't) we won't hold that against them. We'll even make a few more suggestions for them to ignore....

First up, let's take a look at the new words they seem to think are better than squidchops, and dickwads (seriously, we're not bitter). The ginormous winner this year is .....Ginormous! Yes, the fine folks at Mirriam-Webster have chosen their Big New Word to be an actual merger of two existing words, Gigantic and Enormous. Many of us have heard people actually using this word. And many of us have actually thrown up in our own mouths every time we hear this stupid word being used. But, hey, if the fine folks at Mirriam-Webster like it, then who are we to say otherwise (seriously, we've gotten over last year's snub, and we are NOT bitter!).

In addition to Ginormous, several other new words that have gotten the official Miriam-Webster Seal-of-Approval are:

Crunk - "a style of rap music featuring repetitive chants and rapid dance rhythms".
Here again, we have a word created from two existing words, crank and drunk, which if you look up those two words in the dictionary, you'll see a picture of my Uncle Lester (even though he's not quite hip enough to wear crunkteeth).

Nocebo - "a harmless substance that when taken by a patient is associated with harmful effects due to negative expectations or the psychological condition of the patient".
Once again, a hybrid word consisting of a Placebo, which is a harmless substance taken by a patient with no side effects, and the word....uh, Not? Since it's.....not harmless?!

DVR - "digital video recorder".
Word on the street is that the word TiVo is pretty pissed off at being snubbed this year.

So once again, we here at I Read It On The Internet have taken it upon ourselves to submit a few more additional words for next year's edition. Now that we see a trend of merged words developing, here's a few merged words of our own....

Spectastic (adj. - spek-tas-tik )
For times when you feel that something is both spectacular AND fantastic. Also acceptable is the word Fantacular!

Beautquisite (adj. - be-yoot-skwiz-it)
A perfect word for someone who is a combination of beautiful AND exquisite. Also can be pronounced as Exquisiful!

Confurbing (adj. - con-fer-bing)
The process of combining existing words can be a combination of confusing and disturbing. It can also be quite Disfusing!

Maybe next year, we'll see some of these new words submitted to the Mer-Web Collegionary, Twelfth Edition!

A Work In Progress

"We Wants It...We Needs It....Must Have The Precious iPhone!"

2007-07-01T20:19:00.000-07:00

"My iPrecious!"

That loud and overwhelming rush of wind you hear is the sound of hundreds of thousands of tech geeks across the country breathing a collective sigh of relief. As of Friday evening, June 30, 2007 the mighty iPhone has finally been released into mainstream society! And those Believers In All Things Apple now are in proud position of their coveted new Precious.

"If Only I Could've
Made It Grow Hair!"

All hail the mighty Steve Jobs - co-founder and CEO of Apple Incorporated - for coming up with the second coming of cell phones. All other cell phones are puny and pathetic in comparison. They should hide their tiny operating systems in shame. (And while we're at it, shame on Verizon Wireless for passing up the exclusive deal with Apple, which would've provided them with the iPhone to sell. Can you hear me now, Verizon? You ba-luew it big time!)

We live in a truly marvelous time. You can sit at your work station and listen to your own favorite tunes. You can drive in your car and receive e-mails. And now thanks to the iPhone, you can sit on the toilet and surf the actual world wide web! Just think, in years to come, you and I will be able to bore our grandchildren with stories like, "When I was your age, I had to read a magazine when I took a poop".

"Hey! Cool Website!"

All kidding aside, this little device is pretty darn impressive. It's a cell phone! It's an iPod! It's a web-browser! It's a camera! It's all of this...and more! And it does it all well. So far, from having played with one of these for several hours, we have not found a single thing to complain about (oh, sure, you can't upload your own ringtones....you can't change the battery, blah, blah, blah). But the things it does do....it does very well!

One of our personal favorite functions - other than scrolling through the pages with your fingers, pinching, then expanding the screen display with your fingers, turning it sideways to watch a You Tube video - is the ability to select and listen to specific voice mails, instead of being at the mercy of listening through several voice mails, waiting for the one you actually want to hear. Brilliant! That alone is worth the pricey $500 - $600 price tag! (well, maybe not)

So, for the record, I Read It On The Internet.com - which has always been as anti-Apple as possible - gives the iPhone a big iFive. Here's everything else you need to know about the iPhone....

In other words....Resistance Is Futile.
YOU WANTS IT.....YOU NEEDS IT.....MUST HAVES IT......

"So Bright...So Beautiful...My iPrecious!"

Everybody Wants To Rule The World

2007-05-19T20:15:00.000-07:00

"She's A Maniac"

Thank you, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton! Thank you for your inspiration and for your encouragement to us, The American People. Because if it wasn't for your most recent announcement that you want The American People to help choose your campaign theme song, this blog entry would have never even been conceived! Thank you, Senator Clinton, for taking a slow news week, and helping to create the latest blog entry for thousands of bloggers across this fine nation. It's not every day that we get a story idea as custom-made as this one. You are truly an inspiration to us all.

So, being the good, patriotic citizens that we are, we here at 'I Read on the Internet' are happily throwing our suggestions into the ring as well....along with a few extra theme song suggestions for the rest of the top running candidates, even though they had the good sense not to have asked in the first place.

Our Top 3 Song Selections For Hillary Clinton's 2008 Presidential Campaign:

"Crazy" by Patsy Cline
"Dream On" by Aerosmith
"The Bitch Is Back" by Elton John

And our #1 choice for Hillary Clinton's Campaign Song for 2008....

"That'll Be The Day" by Buddy Holly

And while we're at it, here's a few more suggestions for the other candidates:

Senator Barak Obama

"Oh Lord, Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood" by The Animals

Senator John McCain

"The Impossible Dream" by Paul Anka

Former New York Mayor
Rudy Guliani

"Don't You Forget About Me" by Simple Minds

Senator John Edwards

"Beautiful Loser" by Bob Seger

SenatorJoseph Bidon

"Livin' On A Prayer" by Bon Jovi

Senator Fred Thompson

"It's The End Of The World As We Know It" by R.E.M.

Senator Mitt Romney

"Who Are You?" by The Who

And, just in case he finally decides to throw his hat in the ring for one more try...

Academy Award Winner Al Gore

"Feels Like The First Tme" by Foreigner

But no matter who wins this time around, our feeling is that the theme song for the American People should be....

"Help" by The Beatles

When Georgia Doesn't Rule At The Box Office

2007-05-12T18:46:00.000-07:00

"Desperate Moviestars"

In our ongoing attempt at getting some seriously-desired attention in the entertaiment world, we at 'I Read It On The Internet' are once again offering up our services to those fine folks in the movie marketing world. Knowing that a good movie review can bring in additional big bucks at the box office, we are once again offering up a completely legitimate movie review of a current movie that could no doubt use a couple of positive slug lines.

Our latest mission of mercy is for a truly putrid film 'Georgia Rule'. With an average Metacritic review of 26 out of 100 (ouch!), this is one film that will have a hard time pulling any positive quotes to place on their posters. That's where we step in. We not only have provided this movie with a fair and decent review (seriously!), but we've also gone ahead and pulled out those much-coveted quotes and placed them on the posters for you! You can thank us later.

And now, with no further ado, here's our legitimate review:

Georgia Rule
Jane Fonda is back! Again! And in a movie that she'll no doubt consider as big of a mistake as last year's way worse film the truly horrible Monster-In-Law! What was she thinking?. But compared to Monster-in Law, Georgia Rule is a huge success.

This newest bit of fluff involves 3 generations of women - can you say 'ultimate chick flick'? - whose lives come together after the mother - played by Felicity Huffman - decides to ship off her troublemaking daughter - the troublemaking Lindsay Lohan - to live with her granny - Fonda, looking quite good for a granny. So, what happens when 3 generations of troubled women get together? 90 minutes of sheer miserable agony that takes the joy out of going to the movies.

The screenplay was written by Marc Andrus - the same guy who brought us 'Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood'. Why did Hollywood give him a second chance?! It's just not right. You'd think Jane Fonda would choose a powerhouse script to make her return to the big screen. Obviously, Monster-In-Law taught us otherwise. Maybe she thinks everyone is really into women fighting, women bonding, women arguing, women bonding, women sharing divine secrets, etc. She would be wrong. Honestly, I can't think of anything more painful than sitting through this mess. Possibly a root canal would be a better way to spend an afternoon than with these griping, bitching, moaning gals.

Obviously, as much as we'd like to endorse this stinker, we still have our scruples. But, fear not, movie promoters! We have devised a way to help you promote your lousy movies. For example, here's the same review, only with certain phrases highlighted, for the sheer purpose of movie poster promotion...

Here's your quote....

Jane Fonda is back! Again! And in a movie that she'll no doubt consider as big of a mistake as last year's way worse film, the truly horrible Monster-In-Law!

...and here's your poster:

Here's your quote....

But compared to Monster-in Law, Georgia Rule is a huge success.

...and here's your poster:

Here's your quote....

So, what happens when 3 generations of troubled women get together? 90 minutes of sheer miserable agony that takes the joy out of going to the movies.

...and here's your poster:

Here's your quote....

You'd think Jane Fonda would choose a powerhouse script to make her return to the big screen. Obviously, Monster-In-Law taught us otherwise.

...and here's your poster:

And finally, here's your quote....

Honestly, I can't think of anything more painful than sitting through this mess. Possibly a root canal would be a better way to spend an afternoon than with these griping, bitching, moaning gals.

...and here's your poster:

So Hollywood movie producers, if you have a true stinker that you just can't buy a decent review for....remember, 'I Read It On The Internet' is here to help.

Are You My Daddy?

2007-02-19T19:40:00.000-08:00

Worst Case Scenario

The very sad and untimely death of Anna Nicole Smith on February 8th at the Hard Rock Hotel in Florida was only the beginning of a sad and untimely paternity battle for custody of her baby Danielynn. Once word got out that the bulk of her multimillion dollar estate would go to her young daughter, the list of potential daddys suddenly began to grow wilder than Carrot Top's hairdo.

Potential Daddy #1

The baby's birth certificate declares Howard Stern as the baby's father. That's Anna Nicole's longtime attorney Howard Stern, by the way. Leaving shockjock Howard Stern out of the potential baby lottery. The DJ Stern will have to be content with his own multi-million dollar estate.

"Wrong Stern"

Next up we have Larry Birkhead, the former boyfriend who spent quality time with Anna right around the time that she turned up pregnant. Anna's insistance on the father being her own lawyer seemed to many as a weak attempt at keeping Birkhead out of the picture....and out of the estate.

Goodbye, Larry

And that's where the weirdness starts. Suddenly, it seemed like anyone with a passing acquaintance with Anna stepped up to claim the bonanza, er the baby. Probably most shocking was the announcement that Prince Frederic von Anhalt, the husband of the actress Zsa Zsa Gabor, has said he had a decade-long affair with Smith and may be the father.

Zsa Zsa Is Not Amused

Here's another very strong possibility. Could Diddy be the Daddy?

"I'll Stake My Current Name On It!"

From this point, anything is possible. Here are a few of our favorite choices....

Lucky Guy #4

Anna is seen here being photographed with a fan. An innocent enough picture, right? And yet, he now has just as good a chance at claiming to be the father of the baby as this guy......

Lucky Guy # 5

Here's another potential daddy. Clean cut. Nice smile. Why not give him the baby and the three quarters of a billion dollars. But wait.....

Lucky Girl #6

We may soon be hearing from this potential daddy.....or mommy.....or, uh.....nah, even this story can't get THAT weird!

Thank God for DNA testing. At least poor Anna will be able to rest in peace once the paternity testing is complete, and this bizarre chapter in her tabloid-driven life is also put to rest.

The 2006 'Worst Living Person On The Planet' Award

2006-11-19T17:55:00.000-08:00

Previous Winner

Yes, it's that time again! Time for our annual 'Worst Living Person On The Planet' award for 2006. Better known by it's acronym, the WLPOTP award has gone out to some really, really disgusting humans in the past. And this year's winner honors the tradition in classic style.

And the nominees are:

Nominee #1

Kim Jong Il

This wacko world leader from North Korea had the nerve to try and get the world's attention by setting off some nuclear bombs this year. Unlike Saddam, this ruler is proud of his Weapons of Mass Destruction, and wanted nothing better than to blow something up real good. His threats were taken seriously, until he backed way, way down after China threatened to kick his scrawny ass.

Nominee #2

Osama bin Laden

Still a popular favorite in the 'Worst Living Person On The Planet' running, this loopy cavedweller remained pretty much Missing In Action throughout 2006. He still may make a surprise appearance sometime in 2007, so he still has a good chance at winning next year.

Nominee #3

Saddam Hussein

Loses the award because by the end of the year, he may no longer be living.

Nominee #4

George Herbert Walker Bush

A very close contender for the award, Bush also loses by default because of winning the 'Worst President Ever' award.

And this year's winner for 'Worst Living Person On The Planet' goes to.....

O.J. Simpson

Yes, we are proud to award the Worst Living Person On The Planet award to the man "allegedly' responsible for "allegedly" murdering his wife and her boyfriend, and then not only avoiding any prison time, but now is proudly promoting his new book, "If I Did It", where he supposedly tells the story of how a misunderstood ex-football player with a nasty history of spousal abuse might have been able to slit his wife's throat, along with her boyfriend's throat, and then leave them dying in their own blood. His kids should be so proud.

So kudos to you, OJ! You also win the award for the SWTBB award.
(That's 'Scum With The Biggest Balls' award).

Ach!!! But This Award Is Mein! All Mein!!!

Let The Lawsuits Begin!

2006-11-05T14:28:00.000-08:00

Don't Go There!

This past week, Universal Tube & Rollform Equipment Corporation decided to file a lawsuit against flavor-of-the-month website YouTube.com. That's because Universal Tube & Rollform Equipment Corporation's website, UTube.com has been inundated with visits from internet geeks around the world who don't know how to spell YouTube, but still want to watch the latest crashing skateboarder video.

In a lawsuit filed last Monday in U.S. District Court, Universal Tube & Rollform Equipment Corporation alleged that the web address confusion has led to more than 70,000 daily visits from retards who don't know how to spell, arriving at the pipe firm's web site looking for videos. Along with increased bandwidth costs (over $2500 monthly, up from $100), the company complains that the traffic increase has led to its servers crashing on multiple occasions and the arrival of web site visitors who "are not the kinds of visitors that Plaintiff wants at its website."

"We prefer visitors who are into tubes," President Ralph Girkins might have stated, had he been interviewed by this website. "We want people who need information about tubes, tube mills, rollformers, fasteners, machine tools, and wire machinery. Not people who want to see cats trained to crap in a toilet." he might have added.

Universal Tube & Rollform Equipment Corporation, which has used the utube.com address since 1996 (since it's much easier to remember 'utube' instead of 'utrec.com' which should be their real acronym, just like I Read It On The Internet uses irioti.com as it's main URL) wants YouTube.com to cease and desist using its web address. Uh...good luck, UTube!

One Very Good Reason To Sue?"

Hmmm! We wonder if this sudden decision to sue YouTube might have anything to do with the fact that Google purchased YouTube.com just last month. After all, just two months ago, YouTube was an entertaining and silly little website that occassionally got into trouble for hosting copywritten videos posted by its users. But now that the site - and its owners - are worth billions of dollars, might the fine folks over at Universal Tube & Rollform Equipment Corporation be smelling a cash cow?!

So now that YouTube has got deep pockets, let's look at some other website that should take advantage of the nation's inability to spell and accidentally wind up at their websites, therefore causing undue stress and strain on their servers....

UToob.com

A site evidently devoted to finding your Arab soulmate, or maybe just a cool Islamic ringtone. They should definitely sue!

YewToob.com

Type in this URL, and you're mysteriously redirected to either art.com - a site dedicated to links for aficionados of fine art, or auction24hour.com - a site dedicated to kinky sex. Obviously, they've already figured out how to take advantage of those internet geeks who don't know how to spell.

YoooTube.com

Some sort of internet dating site that encourages people to upload their videos for dating purposes. Actually, YouTube should sue them!

Personally, we at I Read It On The Internet think that YouTube actually should change their name. After all, what does YouTube even mean? It would actually make more sense to be called YourTube.com, or YourVideos.com, or YourVids.com, or YouMakeAVideoAndWeHostIt.com. But YouTube?! Why, that makes as much sense as someone calling their site Google.

Uh....never mind.

Pimp My Writings!

2006-10-07T19:39:00.000-07:00

Looking For A Few Good Quotes?

There's an old saying that goes, "Opinions are like assholes....everybody's got one". But nobody is more proud of their assholes, er uh, their opinions, than movie critics. After all, who died and made these people worthy to criticize anything?! There's another old saying that goes, "Those that can't do, teach, and those that can't do anything else, become movie critics". Or something like that. And yet, these same critics constantly have their writings lauded and applauded, and some lucky ones even have their opinions showcased on movie posters!

So, with that in mind, we here at 'I Read It On The Internet.com' - seriously desiring to be taken more seriously - have come up with a new way to attract some much-desired attention in the world of entertainment. We are now offering up our opinions to be picked up and exploited by way of movie reviews. But not just any movies. Just the ones that will no doubt be trashed by those high-and-mighty movie critics. We will therefore review only those movies that will need a little help in the area of critical endorsement. For example, here's our review of the new John Cena movie, 'The Marine':

"Professional wrestler, John Cena has taken the leap from the action-packed wrestling ring to the big screen with his debut as an action figure in the new feature film, 'The Marine', opening October 13th. Attempting to follow in the footsteps of those other athetes-turned-actors, Arnold Schwartzenegger, Jean-Claude Van Dam, Steven Seagal, and Mr. T, Cena takes action to an all new level of boredom. No doubt realizing that his wrestling days are numbered, Cena has made a classic attempt at trying to redefine himself as the latest American Action Hero. Unfortunately, his body may be strong, but his acting is weak. Of course, no one paying to see this movie will expect to see anything remotely approaching anything brilliant. Still, his fans will no doubt turn out en masse to support him. For the rest of us, we can rest assured that Cena will follow in those footsteps of those dumb jocks who attempted to create a cinematic masterpiece, and failed miserably."

Obviously, as much as we'd like to blindly endorse this turkey, we still have our scruples. So, with that in mind, we have devised a way to help those studios promote their lousy movies. For example, here's the same review, only with certain phrases highlighted, for the sheer purpose of movie poster sluglines...

"Professional wrestler, John Cena has taken the leap from the action-packed wrestling ring to the big screen..."

...and here's the poster....

Here's another example:

"Attempting to follow in the footsteps of those other athetes-turned-actors, Arnold Schwartzenegger, Jean-Claude Van Dam, Steven Seagal, and Mr. T, Cena takes action to an all new level of boredom."

....and here's the poster....

Still another example...

"No doubt realizing that his wrestling days are numbered, Cena has made a classic attempt at trying to redefine himself as the latest American Action Hero..."

Here's one more....

"Of course, no one paying to see this movie will expect to see anything remotely approaching anything brilliant, still, his fans will no doubt turn out en masse to support him."

And finally....

"For the rest of us, we can rest assured that Cena will follow in those footsteps of those dumb jocks who attempted to create a cinematic masterpiece, and failed miserably."

So, for all of you movie studios who have any turkeys you're preparing to release in the next few weeks, just send us an e-mail. We'll do you up good, with lots of keywords that you can exploit on your posters....just as long as you give the credit where credit us due.

So please, MTPs (Movie Turkey Producers)....Pimp My Writings!

Caffeine-Freebase Cocaine

2006-09-24T19:15:00.000-07:00

Goes Great With
Heroin-Laced Doritos!

Last week a Las Vegas-based beverage company introduced Cocaine to the marketplace. No, not THAT cocaine, but an energy drink that bears the same name. It's a great opportunity for young, impressionable kids to be introduced to the fabulous world of illegal drugs, without really breaking any laws. After all, now that spinach is off the market for a good long while, why not forget the idea of healthy eating altogether and embrace the idea of a mind-numbing sugar-laden energy drink to fill the void!

"I'd Love To Teach The World To Snort
In Per-fect Har-mo-ny!"

There's at least one person who thinks this is a great idea. That would be James Kirby, the drink's inventor. "We're getting a phenomenal response," says Kirby, crediting the drink's early success among consumers from high school kids to 30-year-olds. Kirby confesses that a "throat-numbing" ingredient is added to the drink to emulate that feeling of doing real cocaine, but he won't divulge the identity of that add-in, saying it's confidential. And no doubt, it will stay confidential for another few weeks, before he is arrested and brought up on charges.

The drink is supposed to give a person a "high" coupled with a tingly feeling of euphoria within five minutes of drinking it. That initial boost is followed 15 minutes later by an energy buzz that will last five to six hours. Kirby states this his Cocaine is "350 percent stronger than Red Bull" but that people do not experience the "sugar crash" or jitters that he says some of the other energy drinks can produce. However, he doesn't state anything about the constant grinding of the teeth and the overwhelming desire to steal your mother's pocketbook in order to go out and buy another six-pack of the stuff.

Liquid Cocaine!
Not Just For Lawyers And Club Hoppers Anymore!

Currently, the drink can be found only in limited supply in the Los Angeles and New York markets. This reporter had to visit 3 locations mentioned on the official website before getting his fix....er, uh before finding and testing the product in a purely journalistic fashion. And I'm happy to report that it's good....really, really good....eh, heh, heh, heh....seriously goooooood......!

"I Endorse This
Product Wholeheartedly!"

One Boy's Trash....

2006-08-14T18:58:00.000-07:00

"Do You Really Want To Punish Me?"

Boy George, former lead singer of 80's group Culture Club, began his new court-ordered community service gig on Monday, sweeping the trash off the sidewalks of New York. And true to form, it took Boy George less than an hour for the singer to get into an arguement with the media.

"You think you're better than me?" he yelled at the group of photographers and reporters, "Go home. Let me do my community service." Although this was very hard to hear over the constant flashing of cameras, the snickering of photographers, and the musical chants of "Comma, comma, comma, comma come and cu-lean me up!" from smart-ass New York bystanders.

"These gloves will ruin my manicure, dammit!"

The singer was ordered to spend five days working for the Department of Sanitation after pleading guilty in March for falsely reporting a burglary at his lower Manhattan apartment. Officers responded to the call, but found no burglar. Unfortunately for Boy, they found cocaine in his apartment instead. Whoops!!!

Boy - whose real name is George O'Dowd - petitioned the court to spend his community service time by helping teenagers make a public service announcement. The judge turned that request down. He also proposed to the court that he hold a fashion and makeup workshop. The judge laughed in his face.

O'Dowd also said he felt it would be "more useful" to stage a charity concert rather than spending his time "prancing around in a park". Once again, the judge preferred the prancing.

Our advice to Boy: "Don't do the cocaine if you can't clean the drains"

"Hey, Boy! You missed a spot!"

Kiss And Make Up

2006-08-07T18:13:00.000-07:00

"We're Not Gonna Take It
No, We Ain't Gonna Take It...
Oh, wait...that's Twisted Sister!"

Nearly 200 irate Kiss fans showed up in full quiet riot gear this past weekend at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, Ohio to protest the ongoing snub of refusing to nominate their boys into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It was a peaceful demonstration, and not a very effective one, since the nomination decisions are made in New York, not Cleveland.

Coming from as far away as California, the Kiss Army marched and carried signs, some with painted faces in black-and-white to resemble Kiss band members, and some with just your normal acne.

For nearly a full half-hour, the kids were not all right and demonstrated accordingly that their favorite band, formed more than 30 years ago, has not been admitted to the Hall of Fame, even though it has been eligible since the late 1990s. Artists become eligible for induction 25 years after the release of their first record, according to the museum's rules.

A museum spokesman said it was the first demonstration by fans seeking to have a group inducted. "Uh, The foundation that selects inductees is based in New York City, not at the museum." Obviously, this Kiss Army is not being all that it can be.

"Am I At The Right Rally??!!!"

Who Gets To Play My Brother George?

2006-07-29T21:00:00.000-07:00

Liberace When He Was Young And Gay

It was announced this week that a major Academy Award winning actor has decided to take on the role of a lifetime by playing the lead in the larger than life biopic of none other than Liberace (we know, there's already been two TV movies on his life...but those don't count). Obviously, with the star power behind this big screen version, it will be the role of a lifetime for this already-bigger-than-big actor.

"It Better Be Someone Pretty!"

But, who could it be?! Which top box-office-drawing celebrity would be the right choice for recreating such a cultural icon as the flamboyant Liberace?

Could it be......

one of our finest actors, the great Al Pacino?

"This Piano Is Out Of Tune.
This Whole ORCHESTRA IS OUT OF TUNE!!!!"

Or perhaps an equally intense and well-respected actor in need of a career lift. How about Joe Pesci?

"Does My Piano Playing AMUSE You??!!!"

Another tough guy, could it possibly be this actor with the same amount of syllables in his last name as Liberace?
From 'The Sopranos'....James Gandalfini.

"I'll REALLY Need Therapy After This!!!"

But again, the announcement was that it was an Academy Award winner.
Obviously, it will have to be someone who is well known and respected for losing themselves in a character. He managed to bring Ray Charles back to life! How about Jamie Foxx?

"Yo. I Dig The Chicks Too Much For This Role."

But who's to say it has to be a man? Who better to pull off this complex character than the great Meryl Streep.

"A Dingo Ate My Piano!!!"

But if we had our pick, it would be someone with a bit more......empathy with the character.
How about Richard Simmons?

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!"

And yet, despite all these great choices and potential winners, the person who was actually chosen to play the life of the one and only Liberace, will be....

Nicolas Cage

"Huh???!!"

That sound you hear is Liberace spinning in his grave.

A Series Of Tubes

2006-07-22T19:50:00.000-07:00

Tube Boob

This website has already reported on the ongoing debate on Net Neutrality and the future of internet freedom, but we haven't yet heard from Senator Ted Stevens, the Chairman of the Senate Committee on Commerce, Science and Transportation; the man whose wisdom will ultimately help determine whether big businesses such as AT&T and Comcast will be allowed to regulate the speed and the availability of particular websites they provide to their subscribers. It's a highly volatile issue, with much at stake, therefore it's important to hear what the 82-year-old Senator Stevens had to say about the controversy. Here's a direct quote from his address to the Senate earlier this month:

"They want to deliver vast amount of information over the Internet, and again, the Internet is not just something you dump something on," he said. "It's not a big truck, it's a series of tubes! And if you don't understand, those tubes can be filled! If they're filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line, it's going to be delayed by anyone who puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material."

The Senator went on to explain in crystal clear detail how his staff sent an internet (we assume he means an e-mail) that got delayed, because of ten movies(?):

"Ten movies streaming across that internet....and what happens to your own personal internet? I...I just the other day got internet, was sent by my staff at 10:00 in the morning on Friday...I got it yesterday!"

Obviously, the man responsible for determining the future of the internet is not exactly up to speed. He's not even up to dial-up. Our guess is that he came up with this brilliant statement when he dusted off his 1947 issue of his Funk & Wagnells dictionary and found this definition:

A Series Of Tubes (phrase) 'ah see-rees uhv toobs': what the internet will someday be made up of.

Who put this man in charge of this legislation? It's sort of like putting Gilligan in charge of the Navy. To think that the future of the internet is in the wrinkled hands of this out-of-touch politician is enough to make you download in your pants.

Rubbed The Wrong Way

However, we decided to do our own research and we discovered another definiton from our slightly more updated dictionary:

A Series of Tubes: another description for the current world leaders.

Yes, this term could certainly apply to the recent behavior captured on film and sent to us through tubes, regarding the bizarre behavior of other politicians large and in charge.

This past week, George W Bush attended the G8 Summit, where he successfully groped German Chancellor Angela Merkel. Many were shocked that Bush would treat the respected leader of her country with such a casual regard. Talk about political incorrectness! This kind of behavior would get you sued over here in America. Of course, the worst that could happen to Bush would be that he would be regarded as a tactless, arrogant, clueless and socally inept guy who has no clue how to run a country. Oh, wait. He's already regarded as a tactless, arrogant, clueless and socially inept guy who has no clue how to run a country.

Here's a quick YouTube clip of the confrontation....(thanks for the use of your tubes, YouTube!)

An innocent enough gesture....if you're at a party with some close friends and you've had a couple of Coronas, but at this venue?!! Get a grip, George!

Let's see how the Chancellor really felt about the quickie massage:

Bush Sites His Prey

Bush Moves In

Bush Gets Jiggy

Merkle is Irked

"Security!!!"

Needless to say, many of the other world leaders in attendance were shocked. When asked for a comment, Russian President Vladimir Putin was quoted as saying,

"I've Never Seen Anything Like It!"

Party On, Dude!

2006-07-15T20:44:00.000-07:00

Party-Boy For Rent
(the hat costs extra)

Planning a party?! Not sure how to entertain your guests? Why not consider hiring Britney Spear's husband? That's right, for only a modest fee of $20,000 you can assure your party will be a huge success with the talented Mr. Spears in attendance. What will K-Fed do at your party, you might ask? Silly question. Yo, he will mingle, bro! He will bring some white boy funk to your crib, that's what! He will bring the bling and give some major street cred to your celebrity-starved soiree! But make sure you stock plenty of Coors beer, because that's probably the drink of choice for this upper-class party-boy-for-rent.

"Yo! My contract included sunblock SP25!"

Yes, the official word is that Britney is very happy that her deadbeat hubby finally has a reason to exist, other than to mooch off of her. Now, he can mooch off of others, and even get paid for it! Astoundingly, it's been reported that since thinking up this scam, the Fed-Man has pocketed an estimated $700,000 just in the last four months, alone! Good Lord, that means that 35 people have fallen for this gimmick. Amazing. But what we'd like to know is, how much does he charge to stay away?!

"I promise not to vomit in your pool"

And while we're at it, we'd like to take this opportunity to suggest that Dustin Diamond - TV's Screetch from Saved By the Bell, who has run out of money and owes $250,000 on his mortgage - get off his lazy ass and stop selling T-shirts and start pimping himself out to parties, too. Nobody wants one of your lame shirts, anyway.

Will Beg For Spot on Entertainment Tonight

Or better yet, Dustin should start selling T-shirts that read: "I Attended A Party With Kevin Federline And All I Got Was This Lousy Feeling Inside!"

Words Of The Day

2006-07-08T23:00:00.000-07:00

Official Slang Words

This week Google officially became a verb. 'To google', or to 'be googled' is now part of the lexicon of words that have been deemed by Merriam-Webster as needing a definition for their latest edition.

In addition to the lowercase google, we can now look up definitions for words we already know how to spell, such as unibrow, spyware, himbo, soul patch (aren't those two words?!) and mouse potato (actually, Dan Quayle might appreciate the entry for that one).

Word Is, Yahoo's Extremely Jealous

In case you don't have a dictionary handy (does anybody really use those things anymore, now that dictionary.com is at the disposal of all of us who don't know how to spell?) here's a quick rundown of some of the new words:

Soul Patch (noun) sool-pach: that outdated clump of facial hair that old guys wear to make themselves look hip

Unibrow (noun) you-nee-brou: the clump of hair between the eyebrows that present day society has deemed as hideous and must be plucked

Himbo (noun) him-bo: the ability to be good-looking and empty-headed at the same time

And as much as we'd love to see 'Irioti' - the acronym for I Read It On The Internet - be nominated for Word of the Year, here's a few words we'd like to submit to the lexicographers for next year:

Squidchops (noun) skwid-chaups: another word for jowls, or anyone who resembles Davey Jones from the new movie 'Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest', now playing at a theater near you

Dickwads (noun) dik-wods: the official name for pet owners who insist on dressing up their poor, defenseless animals in stupid costumes

Decider (noun) dee-si-der: Now that our president has deemed himself as such, we feel it's only fair to have the word be recognized as an actual, legitimate word for the rest of us
....but keep in mind....he's still 'The Decider'!

Who knows, maybe next year, Merriam-Webster will officially recognize nucular as a word....since our president stubbornly continues to believe that it already is one.

Adopt-A-Polar Bear!

2006-07-02T15:36:00.000-07:00

Mommy?!!

From time to time we like to provide our readers with various public service announcements, (which are usually just veiled attempts at making fun of other web sites). This time we offer up Save-A-Polar Bear! Yes, for only $25, you can provide a polar bear with a warm meal, a cozy shelter, and hopefully a slight bit of assurance that the big-ass oil companies won't dump toxic oil spills into their drinking water.

If you have a hard time warming up to polar bear, then perhaps you'd be interested in adopting a cuddly jaguar! Yes, the jaguar also needs lots of hugs and a clean place to poop. Your gift of $35 will help keep the hunters and land developers at bay, allowing the near-extinct jaguar the assurance that he will live to prowl and devour smaller, more defenseless creatures another day.

"I Like To Cuddle!"

And who could resist those cute and cuddly sea otters?! Wouldn't you feel good about yourself, knowing that for only $25, you can assist the Defenders of Wildlife in making sure the big-ass oil companies don't accidentally dump a tankard of precious oil into their limited habitat?

Wolves Are Easily Potty-Trained!

All kidding aside - maybe - the Defenders of Wildlife organization is doing its best to keep these endangered and threatened species alive and kicking (or splashing). Check out their website to learn how you can help. Or, to see what other adorable critters you can adopt. Nothing will make you feel warmer inside than getting that first postcard from your very own adopted snowy owl, thanking you for keeping those bastard land developers at bay.

Your Donation Will Give Me
A Much-Needed Manicure!

The Skinny On Star

2006-06-29T22:49:00.000-07:00

Starpirella

Star Jones Reynolds Wrapped up her tour of duty on The View this week, when she surprised her fellow co-hosts (and boss Barbara Walters) by announcing on air that she would be leaving the show, supposedly one-upping the show's producers by making her statement earlier than expected. Upon hearing of Star's decision, Rosie O'Donnell - the show's new host this fall - was quoted as simply stating, "GOOOOOOOOAL!!!!!!"

Despite the current smokescreen that Star is blowing out of her hole by stating that she was convinced that "there was a plan put into place some time ago to get me off the show", the best bet was that Star couldn't handle the truth of facing Rosie one-on-one once the show entered its tenth season. Rosie was one of Star's most vocal critics after Jones-Reynolds lost a boatload of weight - obviously from a gastric bypass - and yet promoted the weight loss as a normal result of a healthy diet, lots of exercise, and vomiting 47 times daily. Obviously, Rosie wasn't the only one who didn't buy this. Star might have also been worried that Rosie might use her gaydar powers upon a backstage meet and greet with Star's hubby.

"Step Off, Bee-yotch!"

For those unfamiliar with the comings and goings of the morning gabfests, here's a quick recap of the recent round of musical chairs: Katie Couric left The Today Show in order to be the new news anchor on the CBS Nightly News. Meredith Viera, who was anchoring The View, was then hired to replace Katie. Shortly thereafter, Rosie O'Donnell, late of the Rosie O'Donnell Show, was then picked to replace Meredith on The View. On a side note, Dan Rather was shipped off to Canute, Oklahoma, just for the heck of it.

All this hoopla would barely make the back page of US Weekly, but Star obviously thinks she has Star Power, and apart from the Star War with Walters, she's shrewd enough to know that the publicity will obviously be good for her plans for a new career as a wedding planner.

The Real Reason For Star's Departure....
She Just Grossed Everybody Out!

Access Denied.....Suckers!

2006-06-10T12:09:00.000-07:00

Save the internet?!!! Okay, what are the hippy tree-huggers up to now? Well, truth be told, it's what the big telecom corporations are up to that's really freakin' me out, man. Just this past week, the House of Congress voted in favor of the big telecom corporations, which are doing their big money best to re-route the internet superhighway in their favor. Big-time tollbooths and roadblocks are currently under construction, which will prohibit you from surfing where you wanna surf, without the approval of the big guys like AT&T, Verizon and Comcast.

If they have their way, with the new legislation in the works, they can pretty much control where you click, giving favor to the sites that pony up the dough. You wanna go to Google? Well, maybe your ISP provider wants you to go to theirfavoritesearchenginecausetheypaythemlotsofmoney.com instead. So, they purposely either block, or slow down access to Google. Nice, huh!

Thanks to a grassroots operation known as Save The Internet.com millions of decent law-abiding websurfers are banding together to fight back. If you love your internet access, and you cringe at the thought of being blacklisted from your favorite websites in favor of redirects to big corporation's favorite websites, then you owe it to yourself to take 5 or 10 minutes of your time to visit this site and learn more....and get involved!

Here's a quick video from their site:

Just think, if net neutrality was defeated, you might not even be allowed to go to their site. Come to think of it, you might even have been blocked from this site! And that REALY pisses me off!

How To Dismantle An Atomic President

2006-06-08T18:30:00.000-07:00

Funny, Bloody Funny

There's really no story here. I just wanted to post this hilarious video Of George W. doing the U2 song, Sunday, Bloody Sunday. Thanks to some genius known only as RX, who also features other song selections at this site .

And now, the musical stylings of President George W. Bush...

Hot Pockets

2006-05-22T18:34:00.000-07:00

An Inconvenient Future

This week brings us the premiere of 'An Inconvenient Truth', the ex-almost-former president Al Gore's documentary on the effects of global warming, the end of civilization as we know it, and how we're all up poop creek if we don't change our ways. It's a sobering look at our immediate future, with not a lot of hope for a sequel.

Gore Faces The Future"

After losing the presidential election in 2000, Gore decided to set politics aside and do something productive with his life. The end result is a fascinating, horrifying, and galvanizing look at the effects of global warming on our cozy little planet. Here's a quote from the official website...

"Humanity is sitting on a ticking time bomb. If the vast majority of the world's scientists are right, we have just ten years to avert a major catastrophe that could send our entire planet into a tail-spin of epic destruction involving extreme weather, floods, droughts, epidemics and killer heat waves beyond anything we have ever experienced."

Not exactly the feel-good hit of the summer, but then sometimes it's a good idea to wake yourself up and smell the carbon dioxide emissions.

Up In Smoke

Gore will be touring the country with his new film, knowing that the media will do what they always do and put the focus on the politics of the film, and whether or not George W. will see it (he's already been quoted as saying he won't). Gore is smart enough to realize that there's no such thing as bad publicity, anyway. But what people need to realize is that this is not a political film. The press may spin it that way, but Gore has been very careful to make this peak into our bleak future to be as non-partisan as possible. The over-use of fossil fuels and the under-use of more efficient and safer modes of power (such as solar, wind, hybrid cars, and George W's favorite - switch grass) is not political. It's practical. Had this film been made by Steven Spielberg, we might not even have to consider the political ramifications or motivations. We'd also no doubt at some point be seeing Tom Cruise rappelling from a glacier.

But at it's smoky magma core, this is a film intended to educate and to irritate those who continue to believe that we can continue to burn up the planet's resources without consequence. All politics aside....please!....the time has come to set our red-state-blue-state differences behind, and to truly rally together for a good cause.....our own survival.

Coming To A Reactor Near You"

The film opens Wednesday, May 24th at selected cities. For more information, visit the official website, which also contains many interesting facts about global warming and what you and I can do to help (hint: lose the Hummer).

Here's the official trailer...

Bubble Boy

2006-05-06T11:54:00.000-07:00

"I Really Gotta Pee!"

He's at it again! That famous street magician David Blaine has hit the streets of New York City once again to promote his latest ABC special: David Blaine: Drowned Alive (sounds sort of like an oxymoron, doesn't it?) But speaking of morons, only this guy could tie up Lincoln Center by placing himself in an 8 foot plexiglass bubble aquarium for one week as he prepares himself for another Great Escape.

"My iPod Is Waterlogged!"

This time, after spending a week in the bubble (allegedly to prepare his body for the strain of staying underwater for nearly ten minutes - but in reality preparing the media for another promotional photo op) The Amazing David will then be released from his plastic prison, only to then be wrapped in 150 pounds of chains, and then re-submerged back into the bubble - sans air tank this time - where he will attempt to escape the chains that bind him while continuing to hold his breath for at least somewhat longer than 8 minutes and 58 seconds - the current world record held by The Soon-To-Be-Not-So-Amazing Martin Stepanek.

"They don't like it when you tap on the glass, Timmy"

Here's hoping that he makes it. Personally, I think it's pretty darn convenient that the time it will take to escape his chains will directly correspond with the time it will take to break the world record for current breath-holding. That is pretty Amazing in itself. But if he really wanted to make the trick more dramatic, he could've worn the chains for the entire week he's been in the bubble. Escaping from rusty chains? Now, that's something I'd actually tune in to see!

"You Think This Is Bad,
You Should See My Dick!"

UPDATE:
Alas, The Great Blaine did not break the world record for breath-holding. As the nation held their breath while watching David attempt to complete his stunt on live TV, he unfortunately began to lose his mojo around the 7 minute mark. A rescue team was deployed into the tank to help free him from the ankle chains (so what was the big deal with the emphasis on 150 pounds of chains, anyway? He only had his wrists and ankles handcuffed!) and a disoriented and disappointed Blaine was then pulled out of the bubble. He addressed the crowd, telling them he loved them all, then he was whisked away to a local hospital, where it was later confirmed that he did indeed suffer from liver damage and some serious wrinklage of his appendi. I'll leave it at that.

Nice try, anyway, David. Like the old saying goes, To Air Is Human.

Here's a nice clip from happier times....

Well, from the sound of it....at least two people enjoyed his stunt!

Bonus Tracks

2005-11-17T22:01:00.000-08:00

Truth In Advertising

Just bought that new Neil Diamond CD? Popped it into your computer to have a listen? Guess what? You're screwed. You've now got malicious software deeply embedded on your computer that makes your computer vulnerable to viruses and hackers! And it's even hidden from your processor, so good luck getting rid of it! All thanks to Sony BMG!

This week, Sony BMG admitted to placing secret software on the majority of their new music CD releases. Once installed, the Sony software can relay data, which indicates what CDs are being played, to an outside server. To relay the information, the software has to find its destination by contacting the Internet's domain name system address servers, where a publicly available record of that request is left behind.

Said software was also specifically created to stay hidden from the user. And not only does it hide itself from the user, it allows for virus and hacker vulnerability. Sony admitted this, only after some computer geek somewhere discovered this. Sony has been selling these tainted CDs for the past 8 months, and would've continued indefinitely, had it not been for this computer geek. Thank the Lord for computer geeks!

For The First 5000 Only!

Sony finally reported that over the past eight months it shipped more than 4.7 million CDs with the so-called XCP copy protection. What was intended as copy-protection software that prevents the CD purchaser from making multiple copies of the CD they purchased with their very own hard-earned money, suddenly has become a deeply-embedded program that allows hackers access to the computer files. Sony quickly began back-peddling their evil intentions by releasing a software-removal uninstall tool designed to uninstall the copy-protection software deposited by Sony's CDs which in fact actually exposed a critical vulnerability on computers.

The tool downloaded a program that causes a user's hard drive to accept instructions from Web sites. But the program remained active on the user's hard drive after it had been instructed to uninstall the Sony software. The program could then be triggered by almost any code from any Web site, including malicious instructions. This would allow any web page to seize control of your computer then it can do anything it likes. Thank you, Sony BMG!

The Collector's Version

At the time of discovery (or when Sony finally admitted doing this) more than 2 million of the Sony discs had been sold. Sony was quick to note that the copy-protection software is not activated on an ordinary CD or DVD player, or on a Macintosh computer. It only screws up Windows-based PCs. Thank you, Sony BMG!

Santa knows who's been naughty, you know!

Up Against The Wal-Mart

2005-11-07T19:22:00.000-08:00

Coming To A Living Room Near You

Did you know that Wal-Mart is not only the world's largest retailer, it's the world's largest company, and yet many of their employees make below poverty level wages? Did you know that when they build a new Wal-Mart in town, they put many smaller businesses out of business? Did you know that even though they once promoted themselves with the slogan, 'Buy American' in truth the majority of their products come from China? Did you know that over half the employees of WalMart cannot afford the health insurance offered by the company? Did you know that they've gotten into major trouble for forcing workers to work off the clock?

And did you know that there's a new documentary movie being released later this month that exposes all the evil-doings of Wal-Mart? And did you know that you can help to promote the film?! Well, now you do.

"WAL-MART: THE HIGH COST OF LOW PRICE is a feature length documentary that uncovers a retail giant's assault on families and American values.

The film dives into the deeply personal stories and everyday lives of families and communities struggling to fight a goliath. A working mother is forced to turn to public assistance to provide healthcare for her two small children. A Missouri family loses its business after Wal-Mart is given over $2 million to open its doors down the road. A mayor struggles to equip his first responders after Wal-Mart pulls out and relocates just outside the city limits. A community in California unites, takes on the giant, and wins!"

That quote is lifted from this website which encourages people to get involved in a grassroots campaign to put Wal-Mart out of business. Well, not really. But at least to hold them accountable for their many, many transgressions.

Let The Witchhunt Begin!

Much has been written about the unscrupulous business tactics of big corporations. But no corporation seesm to flaunt their unscrupulousness quite as openly as Wal-Mart. So filmmaker Robert Greenwald, the same man behind last year's 'Outfoxed', has decided to take on the giant behemoth by hitting them where it hurts...a scathing documentary that exposes the corporate giant's game plan for becoming the world's largest company at any cost. Oh, wait a minute, they already are!

Putting On An Unhappy Face

If you feel like getting involved, here's the place to go:

www.walmartmovie.com

You can sponsor your very own premiere of the film in your very own home, if you sign up soon enough. Otherwise, you can order your copy of the DVD at the site. Something tells me they won't be carrying this movie at Wal-Mart.

Click On The Happy Faces
To Expose More Transgressions

Hang 'Em High

2005-10-19T18:23:00.000-07:00

S _ D D _ M
O N
T R I _ L

After nearly 2 years since his capture and arrest, the trial of The People Of The World vs Saddam Hussein FINALLY got underway this week in Baghdad, proving that the Iraqi judicial system is just as screwed up as America's judicial system.

A defiant Saddam argued with the judges, scuffled with the guards, and rejected the tribunal's right to judge him, insisting he is still the president of Iraq. Several of the judges later complained of headaches, due to the uncontrollable rolling of their eyes at the various comments made by Hussein througout the proceedings.

"I'm out of order?! YOUR'E out of order!
This whole country is out of order!!"

Saddam was grumpy from the getgo. When the judge asked him to take the stand, Saddam got up from his chair, approached the podium, but refused to state his name for the record. Instead, he turned the question back on the presiding judge, Rizgar Mohammed Amin.

"Who are YOU? I want to know who YOU are," Saddam demanded.

"I do not respond to this so-called court, and I retain my constitutional right as the president of Iraq," he said, ignoring Amin's attempts to quiet him. Instead, Saddam continued to listen to the voices in his looney-tunes head, declaring that he was still large and in charge.

After repeatedly refusing to give his name, Saddam finally sat down. Judge Amin read his name for him, calling him the "former president of Iraq."

"I said I'm the president of Iraq," Saddam snapped back. "Not former president!" He then proceeded to order his imaginary minions to jab needles into the judge's testicles. The judge seemed unfazed.

"Oohhh, you're gonna get it, judge.
You're really gonna get it!!"

The first session of the trial lasted about three hours. The judge ordered an adjournment until November 28th, after a request from Saddam's attorneys for more time to prepare their case. Evidently, 2 year of prep time was just not quite enough.

Saddam and his seven dwarfed co-defendants could face the death penalty by hanging if convicted for the 1982 massacre of nearly 150 Shiites in the town of Dujail. The trial is the first of about a dozen cases prosecutors intend to bring against Saddam and members of his inner circle in an attempt to hold them accountable for a 23-year regime that saw tens of thousands of Iraqis killed and imprisoned. The killings that are the subject of this Dujail trial took place after an attempt on Saddam's life there. Although Saddam promised only the guilty would be punished, evidently he saw fit to find at least 150 guilty.

Overall, some believe Saddam is guilty of killing up to 300,000 people over his three decades of dictatorship. And yet, Saddam sees himself as innocent. "I am not guilty," he declared, "I'm just very, very misunderstood".

"I am so incredibly pissed about this!!"

Obviously, there will be much more to come, and much more to enjoy as Saddam tries to weasel his way out of his inevitable fate. When reached for comment, the entire world reported that they were very, very pleased.

Fortune And Fame

2005-09-24T22:35:00.000-07:00

J.D. Fortune
Instant Rock Star

After a grueling 3 month reality TV audition, J.D. Fortune, a 32 year old former Elvis impersonator from Canada, was selected by the 80's rock band INXS to be their new lead singer during last Wednesday's grand finale CBS semi-reality series, Rockstar:INXS. Fortune went from literal rags - living out of his car in a small town in Nova Scotia, Canada - to virtual riches (including virtual fame) in the amount of time that many were enjoying their summer vacation. A dream come true...to those who still care about rock and roll, that is!

"If You're Happy And You Know It
Raise Your Hand"

J.D. along with 14 other wanna-be lead singers were all participants in this summer's CBS reality series, which was formatted like a rock and roll Survivor, where each week, one singer was voted out of the competition by the members of INXS. Although not a ratings juggernaut, the series always managed to be entertaining....to those who still care about rock and roll, anyway.

And Then There Were Six

A favorite on forum boards and blogs across the internet...to those who still care about rock and roll, anyway...many fans were rooting for the likes of Mig, Jordis, Ty, Suzie and Marty to be the one who gets to sing 'What You Need' for a living. However, it was INXS' decision all along, and Fortune's quirky and dangerous style and attitude seemed to better fit the band...and seemed the closest to former lead singer Michael Hutchence, who sadly committed suicide in 1997. Hopefully, Fortune will sidestep those same footsteps.

Within hours of being selected, Fortune and band appeared on several radio stations, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, as well as The Late, Late Show. A song that JD co-wrote with INXS, 'Pretty Vegas' is currently receiving heavy airplay....on those stations that still care about rock and roll.

Meet The New Boss
Much The Same As The Old Boss

The band is now complete, and will be releasing a new album in late November, and also will begin a new tour in January. Great news....for those who still care about, you know.

Survive This!

2005-09-11T11:36:00.000-07:00

Richard Hatch
Gets A Reality Check

Richard Hatch is up a creek without his paddle. The original winner of the original million dollar grand prize from the original edition of 'Survivor' was indicted Thursday on 10 charges, including failure to pay taxes on the $1,000,000 prize, as well as other charges including filing a false tax return, wire fraud, bank fraud and mail fraud. Not exactly a good idea to try and outwit, outplay or outlast the IRS!

"But it's MY money!
They gave ME the check!!!"

Hatch "allegedly" filed false tax returns in 2000 and 2001 and failed to report $327,000 in income from hosting a Boston-based radio show. Also, he "allegedly" took another $28,000 he earned from a rental property he owns. Hatch had two accountants prepare tax returns that included his 'Survivor' winnings but did not file them when he learned he would owe hundreds of thousands of dollars in taxes. In 2002, he had one of the accountants prepare a second return that did not include his TV show winnings. He filed that one, which called for a $4,500 refund! That might explain why he enjoys parading around in the nude so much, to display his huge balls!

And if that wasn't bad enough, Hatch also "allegedly" dipped into donations to his charity, Horizon Bound, spending some $36,500 of the funds supposedly allocated to the charity on his personal expenses. In one example, he "allegedly" used a $10,000 donation he received after appearing on NBC's 'The Weakest Link' in order to complete some renovations on his home. The money was intended to go to his charity. Not new chairs in his tea room!

"Was that wrong?!
I really didn't know!"

Hatch originally agreed to plead guilty to the charges, but later backed out of the agreement in March, claiming he believed CBS was responsible for taking care of the taxes on his $1 million Survivor prize. According to his attorneys, Dewey Cheatum & Howe, Hatch believed that he was an employee of CBS during his appearance on 'Survivor', and that they should've withheld his taxes for him. The official response from CBS attorneys was, "Riiiiiight!"

If Hatch is found guilty on all 10 charges, he could face 75 years behind bars and millions of dollars in fines. But there's still a good chance he'll be appearing on the new Fox reality series, "Celebrity Cellblock Makeovers".

"If they want the shirt off my back...it's too late!"

Richard...the grand jury has spoken. You're an idiot.

CEOs Paid INXS

2005-08-28T16:06:00.000-07:00

The 1st Annual OMP Award!

Times are tough. But not for everybody. That is, not if you're the Chief Executive Officer of a major multi-million dollar corporation in the United States of America! Most likely for you, it's a wonderful life.

I Read It On The Internet - or better known by it's acronym IRIOTI - has decided to pay tribute to some other acrimonious acronyms....the CEOS that were paid INXS for 2005. The OMP Award - named after the character Old Man Potter from 'It's A Wonderful Life', is awarded to those who excel at excess, at the expense of its employees and stockholders. Any one of these nominees would make Mr. Potter proud.

Here are our official picks:

Larry Johnston - Albertson's
Larry Johnston is the CEO of the supermarket superchain Albertson's. Mr. Johnston has paid himself a total of about $76 million dollars in over the past four years....while stockholders of Albertson's watched as their stocks fell 39% over that same period. Talk about a clean-up in Aisle 7!

Scott McNealy - Sun Microsystems
Scott McNealy, the founder and CEO of Sun Microsystems, awarded himself a salary of over $13 million dollars over the past four years....while the sun went down on the stockholders, who lost about 76% of their investments.

Gary Smith - Ciena
Ciena's stockholders have literally lost 93% of their investments in Ciena over the past four years. But Ciena CEO Gary Smith has seen a salary of approximately $41 million dollars over that same period.

And the Old Man Potter Award for 2005 goes to.....

Richard Fairbank - Capital One
Mr. Fairbank banked a whopping $85 million dollars - the very same year that Capital One closed its Tampa, Florida credit card center....laying off more than 1000 employees! Old Man Potter would most definitely be proud!

Well, at least now we know....what's in your wallet, Richard!

Who's Your Diddy?!

2005-08-16T17:50:00.000-07:00

"Make Room For 'Diddy'"

In an announcement that has shocked the Hollywood community
- and very possibly the rest of the free world -
rapper Sean ("John".."Puffy"..."Puff Daddy"..."P. Diddy") Combs has decided yet once again to change his name.

"It's the era of 'Diddy" Combs has somehow decided. And with that decree, Sean (or whatever he's called) now wants to 'drop the P' and from now on and henceforth wishes only to be known as 'Diddy'.

"Don't CALL Me "P"!!!"

As for what brought about this latest name drop, the entertainer admitted that his previous name change left his fans uncertain of how to address him. "I felt like the 'P' was getting between me and my fans and now we're closer," Diddy said.

Well, who can blame the man?!!
Who in their right mind would want the 'P' getting in the way?!! I'm surprised he made it this long holding onto the 'P'! Imagine how many more fans he could've gotten closer to....if the 'P' hadn't gotten in the way!

"Much Better Without The 'P'!
The 'P' Was Gettin' In The Way!"

In a related story, no news has yet been released regarding the 'Sean John' line of clothing that 'Diddy' produces. However, the sweat shops in the Honduras that manufacture 'Diddy's' Duds are on high alert...preparing to remove those 'Sean John' tags, and replacing them with the much more appropriate tag: 'John'. Just in case he doesn't want the 'Sean' getting in the way.

"If I Gotta Tear Off All These Tags,
I Want An Extra 4 Cents A Day!"

In future days, I think we will all look back on this day and remember exactly where we were and what we were doing when we heard that Diddy dropped the 'P'!

The Robot Will See You Now

2005-08-06T18:00:00.000-07:00

"Greetings, patient."
"Please inform me of your illness."

As if you weren't already paying through the roof for your insurance premiums, waiting weeks for a doctor appointment, and receiving substandard treatment, here's another thing to raise your blood pressure....the Robot Doctor!

That's right, currently in a couple of major hospitals (John Hopkins, UCLA Medical Center) the latest in non-invasive doctor care is being tested with the appearance of DR2D2, a motorized robot that is run by a doctor, somewhere far, far away.

"Forceps.....Suture.....Squeegee...."

The robot features a computer screen for a head, a video camera for eyes and a speaker for a mouth. It walks (or rolls), talks, and most importantly, listens. "That's because the robot is directly linked to a real doctor who uses the robot as it ears, mouth and eyes," says Louis Kavoussi, M.D., Hopkins professor of urology and a pioneer in robotic surgery.

"Good morning, Mrs. Mendelbahm!
Can you stick out your tongue and yell "Ahh?!!"

"You'll have to sit up, dear. Your tongue is out of focus!"

Billed as the world's first remote-presence robot by its manufacturer, InTouch Health Inc, the robot is controlled with a joystick by an actual living, breathing doctor. Looking at a computer terminal, the doctor sees what the robot sees and hears what the robot hears. Fortunately for the doctor, he avoids smelling what the robot smells. The patients can see and talk to the doctor's face displayed on a flat screen that sits on the robot's "shoulders." All thanks to a high-speed internet connection!

"Let's see...2 more patients, then surf for porn"

Dr. Kavoussi adds, "Generally, the robot has been used to check up on patients in between when they would normally see a physician. During these visits, we ask them about how they are feeling, inspect their surgical sites to ensure they are healing properly, and answer any questions they have." However, Dr. Kavoussi did not elaborate on whether any of these questions were "When the hell are you gonna show up in person, doc?!!"

If the Robot Doctors are a success, many doctors plan on having the computers and joysticks attached to their golf carts. It will make treatment soooo much easier for them.

Gr8 Expectations

2005-07-09T18:22:00.000-07:00

"We Are The Third World....We Are The Dying Children..."

Sir Bob Geldof came out of retirement this year and managed to pull off another Nobel Peace Prize-worthy accomplishment of getting the music industry to band together for the sake of poverty-ridden Africa. Over the 4th of July weekend, Sir Bob along with a little from his friends, staged another momentous concert, topping his previous personal best of Live Aid from way back in 1985.

"I don't like Mondays...."

"...or Tuesdays, or Wednesdays, or Thursdays, or..."

This time, pretty much like the last time, the emphasis was on the starving people of Africa. Only this time, the emphasis was not on asking the music lovers to donate their money, but the stage was set in order to bring attention to, and put pressure on the world leaders who just happened to be meeting in Scotland the very next week at the big G8 conference. The hope was to raise awareness so that these greedy world leaders would raise their consciences enough to recognize the seriousness of 30,000 people dying on a daily basis in Africa.

The Who's Pete Townshend concerned for
those who "Won't Get Food Again"

Everyone in the music industry that's anyone - especially those in need of a career boost - were on board for the big show. Veteran rockers such as U2, Lady Madonna, Sir Paul McCartney, Sir Elton John, and Sir Snoop Dog were all in attendance on stages throughout the free world. London, Philadelphia, Tokyo, Berlin just to name drop a few, all played host to what turned out to be the biggest musical event in the history of the world.

"No mo' povertishizi in Africafashizi, you dig!"

So, did it work? Despite the best efforts of Sir Bob and the gang, as of this writing, poverty still exists. However, those world leaders did manage to double their offering for Africa, alloting some $50 billion dollars in aid to the ravaged country. It's just a shame that such a momentous event must be created in order to get the world's attention. But at least we got a reunited Pink Floyd out of it!!!

Which One's Pink?

As a side note, due to the incredibly pathetic coverage of this momentous event by cable channels MTV and VH1 - where each and every song was interrupted at some point by a handful of video 'personalities' expounding on "How awesome this is, and stay tuned after these 5 minute commercial breaks for more partial coverage of Live 8" - these stations offered up a very impressive music-only version the following weekend. Shame on you, MTV and VH1, for botching it so badly in the first place! And way to go, AOL for providing video footage of all the performances throughout the day of the event, and even later still on demand. But you still charge too damn much for internet dial-up!

They came....they saw....they were enlightened...."

...and they were pigs!
Sheesh!! Didn't you kids learn anything???!!!"

Learning Wrong From The Far Right

2005-05-04T18:46:00.000-07:00

Updated!
(See Below)

"I'm Guilty. No, wait..."

On Wednesday, a military judge threw out Pfc. Lynndie England's guilty plea to abusing Iraqi detainees at Abu Ghraib prison, saying he was not convinced the Army reservist -shown here in some of the more infamous photos - knew her actions were wrong at the time.

England: "Was this wrong? I really didn't know!"

Even though Pfc. England entered a guilty plea to posing with Iraqi prisoners in humiliating, degrading, and...did I mention humiliating? snapshots, along with other military personnel, including Pvt. Charles Graner, she was obviously just confused, according to the judge.

The military judge, Col. James Pohl, entered a plea of not guilty for England on a charge of conspiring with Pvt. Charles Graner Jr. to maltreat detainees at the Baghdad-area prison and a related charge.

The mistrial came after Graner testified as a defense witness at England's sentencing hearing that pictures he took of England holding a naked prisoner on a leash at Abu Ghraib were meant to be used as a training aid for other guards.
Sort of a 'How To Disgrace The Enemy' guidebook.

England: "Was this wrong? I really didn't know!"

When England pleaded guilty Monday, she told the judge she knew that the pictures were being taken purely for the amusement of the guards. She also admitted to feeling 'peer pressure' from her colleagues.

Evidently, the judge saw things a little differently. He was convinced that England did not understand that what she was doing was wrong. "You can't have a one-person conspiracy," the judge said before he declared the mistrial and dismissed the sentencing jury.

England: "Was this wrong? I really didn't know!"

Under military law, the judge could formally accept her guilty plea only if he was convinced that she knew at the time that what she was doing was illegal. By rejecting the plea to the conspiracy charge, Pohl canceled the entire plea agreement.

Neither prosecution nor defense lawyers would speak to reporters after the deal was discarded. However, England's attorneys were said to be enjoying several nice, cold alcholic beverages at a nearby military bar.

"Was I wrong? I really don't know!
My....brain....hurts!"

Be. All that you can be!

Update

Private England, was sentenced on Tuesday, September 27th, to three years in prison and given a dishonorable discharge.

England, who had faced a maximum of nine years behind bars, said she was sorry for her actions but said she remained an American patriot.

"I apologize to coalition forces and all the families," England, speaking slowly, told the jury of five officers, also apologizing to "detainees, the families, America and all the soldiers."

She stood at attention to hear the verdict and remained standing, facing the front of the courtroom after the trial ended, her eyes filling with tears. Her mother, Terrie, then came over to give her a very long hug.

England's hands and feet were shackled and she was slowly walked from the courthouse to a van that brought her to jail. She made no final comments. Hopefully, no one will take any abusive pictures of her as she serves her sentence.

Gone....But Still Gonzo!

2005-03-20T18:09:00.000-08:00

Portrait Of The Artist
As A Dead Man

Well, it's been about a month - to the day, actually - that Doctor Hunter S. Thompson, celebrated journalist and founding father of gonzo journalism, shuffled off of this mortal coil. He went out with a bang, not a shuffle, though. After struggling with bad health and refusing to grow old gracefully, Hunter ended his life by using one of his ever-present guns on himself in his Aspen home on February 20th, 2005.

For all of us who appreciated his style - not only in writing, but in life - it's a sad loss, but not all that unexpected. Taking a lesson from the Neil Young songbook, Thompson must've decided it was better to burn out than to fade away. He left us with an amazing legacy - an icon who put the culture in counter-culture.

"When The Going Gets Weird,
The Weird Turn Pro" - HST

And now that he's actually gone, his legacy is just getting warmed up. Later this year, Johnny Depp will reunite with Benicio del Toro in a new film based on Thompson's book 'The Rum Diary'. Rolling Stone magazine just released a very fine tribute issue to the good doctor, with reminiscences from everyone from Johnny Depp to Pat Buchanon. No matter what his reputation as a wild and crazy guy, Hunter Thompson was well-respected and beloved by many, many people. And for those of us who knew him through his writings, he was all that and more. Hitting his stride during the glory days of the Me Generation, he taught us all the correct way to blog.

He was, after all the BlogFather. His ability to put himself front and center in whatever he wrote about was exactly what we all do on our individual blogs. Now, some of us might not go as far into the abyss that Thompson threw himself into on a consistant basis in order to 'get the story' - after all, to do so would be embarassingly substandard to his gold standard - but he managed to teach an entire generation of self-centered writers exactly how to make any story worth reading. The journey was always far more interesting than the destination, and it was the opinions he put forth in his writings that always made the point. He cut through the bullshit, always in search of the truth. You always got the idea that his rage was alway righteous, and his jeers were always justified.

"The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over." - HST

We've lost a colorful character, allright. But his writings live on. That's comforting, I suppose, but not quite as comforting as knowing what Thompson would have to say about the crazy days that are yet to come.

The Doctor Is Out"

Facing The Music

2005-03-04T23:10:00.000-08:00

Jackson Leaves Court Looking A Little Pale

It was only a matter of time before the 'I Read It On The Internet Blog' devoted a page to the ongoing freak show that is the life of Michael Jackson. And what better time to pay homage to the King of Pomp than with the close of his first week on trial for child molestation.

It has been suggested that Michael Jackson is just a child at heart who has never really grown up. He loves Peter Pan, he loves children, he loves to climb trees on his Neverland Ranch, and he loves to pretend he lives in a make-believe world where people don't think of him as a delusional sideshow freak.

It might be true that Jackson created Neverland to compensate for his lack of a proper childhood...but has anybody ever told this guy that most childhoods only lasts about 10, maybe 13 years tops?! And yet, exactly how long has this guy been living in Never-Neverland?! 20...maybe 25 years?! And I don't know about you, but my childhood NEVER included any monkeys!

"I'm only two years old!"

All that aside, now Jackson is fighting for his freedom from yet another charge of child molestation. He might be an easy target for money-grubbing parents who have no problem using their child as freakbait, but someone in the Jackson camp should keep this kind of thing from happening in the first place and just take this superstar aside and slap him a couple of times. And then slap him again, just for me.

"These grown-up clothes are itchy!"

Michael Jackson is in dire need of a reality check. Whether he is guilty of fondling little boys after plying them with Jesus Juice or not, he needs to knock it off and let normal kids have normal childhoods
...and for him to once and for all GROW THE HELL UP!

"Michael.....is that you?!!"

Earth to Michael.....your childhood is OVER!!!!

X-Ray Visions

2005-01-22T19:12:00.000-08:00

The Man With X-Ray Visions

Troy Hurtubise is a man of vision. X -ray vision, that is. He has created a device that can see through walls. That's right, an X-ray vision machine!

The 'Angel Light' as Hurtubise has dubbed it, has gotten the attention of MIT, The Discovery Channel, the French government, and Simon barSinister, all who are interested in the various ramifications of a device that has so far succesfully peered through Hurtubise's garage door, as well as metal, tin and lead (something even Superman cannot do!)

Hurtubise and Spaceman With Angel Light Device

He credits his subconscious with the idea. “I had a dream about a year and a half ago as I do for most of my innovations, just a dream, and I saw it, saw the whole casing and everything, and I saw what it could do,” Hurtubise said. “I had the same dream about that three times and by the third time I had it in my head and I started to build it.”

Gary Dryfoos, a consultant and former long-time instructor at MIT, said "there's a Nobel Prize" for Hurtubise if the Angel Light really performs as described. "There are laws of physics waiting to be written for what he's talking about," Dryfoos said.

Good Or Evil?
However, operating the device is not without it's share of problems. Hurtubise experimented on a bowl of goldfish (not exactly sure what he was trying to see!) and the goldfish died. He pointed the X-ray beam of light at a remote-control plane, and the plane stopped flying. He placed his hand into the beam of light, and experienced numbness in his fingers, and a general sense of malaise.

Hurtubise eventually disassembled the device, until the French came a knockin'. The French, Hurtubise adds, have also agreed to pay him a “substantial” amount of money for the technology if it passes rigorous tests in France.

“They couldn’t believe what they saw,” Hurtubise said. “One of them told me it was as if I’d discovered a new universe.”

Hurtubise Is Obviously Excited About His Future

Extremely Dirty Politics

2004-12-11T13:55:00.000-08:00

Yushchenko: Before and After

If you think the mud-slinging was bad during the recent election here in the States, that's nothing compared to what's been going on in the Ukraine during their current election for a new Prime Minister.
Mud-slinging? Try poisoning!

Viktor Yushchenko, the opposition candidate for the presidency of the Ukraine, has experienced a dramatic and horrifying illness - just within the past six months! The liberal reform candidate was ruggedly handsome and athletic as recently as this past August, but now his face is ravaged by scarring, and he suffers from back pain and multiple ulcers. How could such a thing happen?!

Many in the Yushchenko camp suspected the results could've come from dioxin poisoning. Dioxin is a super-toxic chemical that is second only to radioactive waste! Some have suspected that the poison could've been slipped into Yushchenko's soup earlier in the year during the campaign. Yushchenko initially won the November 21st election, which was annulled by the government's Supreme Court. The incumbent prime minister of the Ukraine, Viktor Yanukovitch, obviously is fighting a hard battle to keep his job!

Yanukovitch: "Mess with me?! Nyet!"

Just this week, doctors confirmed that indeed, Yushchenko blood tests showed high levels of dioxin in his blood, which appears to bear out his long-stated allegations that he was poisoned as part of a plot to kill him. His illness kept him out of the early stages of the campaign and left his face bloated and pocked. "There is no doubt," Dr Michael Zimpfer, president of the clinic where Yushchenko is undergoing treatment, told a news conference. "There were high concentrations of dioxin, most likely orally administered."

Zimpfer initially declined to comment on whether the dioxin could have been due to accidental poisoning or contamination and said it was a question for Ukrainian authorities. But he later said the hospital believed the poisoning had been deliberate.

"We suspect a cause triggered by a third party," he said. "It would be easy to administer in a soup that contains cream."

Yushchenko has accused Ukrainian authorities of poisoning him, but told reporters he does not want to talk further about the allegation until after the runoff vote has been rerun on Dec. 26.

"I don't want this factor to influence the election in some way — either as a plus or a minus," he said in Russian. "This question will require a great deal of time and serious investigation. Let us do it after the election — today is not the moment."

We live in a cruel and dangerous world.

Onward Christian Soldiers!

2004-11-06T13:07:00.000-08:00

Ignorance Is Bliss!

Well, our long national nightmare is.....continuing for another 4 years!
Despite a strong showing in the polls for John Kerry on election day 2004, the American people have made their choice. George W. Bush is the head honcho for a second term.

And despite the absolutely horrendous track record Bush has left us in his first four years with the national deficit, tax cuts for the rich, the blatant disregard for the environment, and the instigator of the invasion on Iraq and stubborn refusal to do anything to prevent the ongoing deaths of our soldiers in that country, it basically came down to the conservative Christians coming out in droves to support W for his strong stance against gay marriages. Way to go, church-goers! Thanks for disregarding all the facts and doing what your preacher tell you to do!

"Fooled 'em again!"

Now, we're left the the slight hope that Bush won't continue his stubborn, arrogant and self-serving ways and lead us into World War III. He's obviously convinced that the American people have spoken, and that the American people are in support of his war-mongering ways. And as far as him doing anything differently about reducing the deficit? Take a listen to this little soundbyte from his first press conference after his re-election:

"I'm still large and in charge!"

This blog just might become an anti-Bush blog. I'm so disgusted with this guy and his pathetic track record, and his refusal to hear anybody but himself, I might just do it. But then....nah! Too depressing.

Congratulations, America!
Way to be manipulated by fear and archaic family values!

"First things first! Off to Camp David!"

Fly Me To The Moon

2004-10-09T13:10:00.000-07:00

To Boldly Go
Where No Privately-Owned Spaceship
Has Gone Before

This week, the rocket/plane SpaceShipOne, built by aviation pioneer Burt Rutan and financed by Microsoft billionaire Paul Allen, won the $10 million competition aimed at creating a space tourism industry, flying 62 miles to the edge of space.

The competition required a privately funded spacecraft to make the flight twice within two weeks, carrying a pilot and the weight of two passengers. (SpaceShipOne successfully completed its first flight on Sept. 29, climbing to 337,500 feet above Mojave).

For the second qualifying flight, Pilot Brian Binnie guided SpaceShipOne to a height of 367,442 feet over California's Mojave Desert, winning their team the $10 million prize money.

(The fact that it cost the team over $20 million to get this accomplished was mentioned briefly during an appearance on The Tonight Show by Rutan and Mike Melville, the pilot from the week's prior flight).

Leno: "Let me get this straight...
You spent $20 million to win $10 million???"

This accomplishment should lead to regular flights in the near future to altitudes below the 350 kilometers required for orbit around Earth. Last week, U.K. billionaire Richard Branson announced plans to license the technology used to build SpaceShipOne to start commercial space trips in 2008. ``It was the best experience other than being with a woman,'' Branson said during a press briefing after the flight.

Branson Describes The Afterglow

A deal was by announced last week by Branson, owner of Virgin Atlantic Airways, to build a fleet of vehicles similar to SpaceShipOne to carry tourists into space.

A ride on one of these flights would cost around $200,000. However, this is far less than what the Russian spacecraft Soyuz charged American financier Dennis Tito to take a flight into space! He paid $20 million to take a ride to the space station in April 2001.

Personally, I wouldn't mind taking one of these flights. I personally have been waiting for that price break from $20 million per flight to a very affordable $200,000!!! I wonder if that includes an on-flight snack?!

Somebody Throw Some Water On These Guys!

Honk If You're Committed!

2004-09-10T21:40:00.000-07:00

Who Scares You More?"

Now that the mud-slinging gloves are off, and we're coming down to the final stretch of the scariest presidential campaign in many a moon, I thought I would post some pictures of some bumper stickers that I made a couple of months ago...

I made these bumper stickers at some website, but I don't remember where. It really pisses me off, because I would probably have ordered them instead of just screwing around with coming up with some funny slogans. Oh, well. I'm not the type of person that plasters political bumper stickers on my car, anyway.

There was another site where I created these...

I realize my political persuasion is showing, but personally, at this point, I don't care. I truly believe that with a little under 2 months to go before the next election, everyone's mind is already made up.

I hate politics.

Stop Staring At Me!!!

I Have Two Words For You: 'Metal...Rubber.'

2004-08-21T10:37:00.000-07:00

Public Service Announcement!

Coming Soon To A
Retailer Near You!

As a public service announcement, from time to time we here at the 'I Read It On The Internet' blog like to keep our readers up to date with the latest and greatest technology on the horizon. And what could be later or greater than what those crazy kids over at Nanosonic.com are coming up with!

The idea of creating bendable, flexible, electricity-conductible metal rubber is just wacky enough to get our attention hear at the Irioti blog.

Here it is in a nutshell...

A Limber Future

By Laura Allen

"Terrible, horrible things can be done to this millimeters-thick patch of shimmering material crafted by chemists at NanoSonic in Blacksburg, Virginia. Twist it, stretch it double, fry it to 200°C, douse it with jet fuel—the stuff survives. After the torment, it snaps like rubber back to its original shape, all the while conducting electricity like solid metal. “Any other material would lose its conductivity,” says Jennifer Hoyt Lalli, NanoSonic’s director of nanocomposites.

The abused substance is called Metal Rubber, and, according to NanoSonic, its particular properties make it unique in the world of material chemistry. As a result, the company’s small office has been flooded with calls from Fortune 500 companies and government agencies eager to test Metal Rubber’s use in everything from artificial muscles to smart clothes to shape-shifting airplane wings."

With investor interest booming, Metal Rubber could make its commercial debut within a year or so. Although shape-shifting aircraft wings and sensory robotic gloves are on the horizon, Metal Rubber will probably appear first in more humble, practical roles. Abuse-resistant flexible circuits and wires, for instance, could allow you to do terrible, horrible things to your portable electronics—consequence-free.

I first found out about Metal Rubber in an this article at Popular Science and immediately realized that if ever there was a company to invest in...Nanosonic is the one!

If Hollywood ever decides to do a remake of 'The Graduate', I can see it now: During the party scene where Benjamin is doing his best to avoid all of his parent's obnoxious friends, he is sidelined by one of his dad's bud's, and he has one word for Benjamin. Well, make that two words. "Metal...Rubber" Of course, Benjamin, being the horny college graduate that he is, might think he was talking about something else!

Therefore, as my public service announcement for the day, the next time you are trying to decide where to invest your cold, hard cash, think Nanosonic!
Nanosonic!! Nanosonic!!! Nanosonic!!!

Someday soon these people will own the globe!

"Personally, I think it's a Brilliant idea!"

Dressed For Excess

2004-08-10T19:08:00.000-07:00

Trump's Mo-Hair Suit!

Donald Trump - or 'The Donald' to his friends - has announced he is launching his own line of men's suits, coats, slacks and, possibly, golfing gear.

"This will be high-end men's wear," he told Newsweek. "We already have tremendous interest."
(Tremendous interest meaning the feedback given him by his multitude of staff, family members, hangers-on, aspiring entrepreneurs, and applicants for 'The Apprentice 2').

What The Well-Dressed
Suck-Up Is Wearing This Fall

"Trump is really an icon for the 19- to 38-year-old person who is either starting a business career or who is aspiring to be successful," said Sheldon Brody, chairman of Marcraft Clothes, whose company has manufactured clothing for Albert Nipon, Evan Picone and Russell Simmons' Phat Farm line.

Trump will have a major say in the design of the clothes, Brody said, and the suits will include the three-button, side-vented jacket that is the mogul's preferred style.

Personally,I'd love a suit designed by Donald Trump. It would go great with my Ken Lay Loafers and my Oprah Organizer!

"Shhhh! You'll wake up my hair!"

Pick Programs To Bootleg

2004-08-05T20:04:00.000-07:00

Where's "Pick Program To Sell On eBay"?

It was announced today that TiVo Inc., maker of popular digital television recording devices, received approval for technology that would permit users to send copies of digital broadcast shows over the Internet to a limited number of friends.

(keep in mind....'limited number of friends')

The FCC voted to certify digital protections on TiVoToGo - which is not yet available - but would enable a user to record and send a digital broadcast television show to up to nine others who have been registered on that person's service and has been given a key to see it.

(keep in mind....'nine others who have been registered and given a key')

The approval came despite concerns by the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) and the National Football League about the risks of unfettered distribution of copyrighted shows and airing regional games outside of their market.

(the NFL?!!)

TiVo'd Dido

TiVo plans to launch a version of TiVoToGo this fall that would allow users to transfer recorded shows to a home computer but has not said when it would launch its version that would allow shows to be shared outside the home.

Personally,I can't wait for TiVoToGo! I will start downloading and copying TV shows like a maniac! Screw the 'limited number of friends' and those 'registered and given a key'!!! I'm gonna send it to whoever I want, and I'm gonna make copies of everything and start selling on eBay like a madman!!!

(keep in mind....I am kidding!!!)

The Boston D Party

2004-07-29T22:13:00.000-07:00

The All New JFK

This week brought us the Democratic National Convention from Boston Mass., where John Forbes Kerry was officially nominated to be the Democratic party's Head Honcho for the next four years.

The challenge was to make the wooden, un-charismatic politician to be more open, more presidential, and uh, less wooden.

After ringing endorsement after ringing endorsement throughout the week from everyone from...everyone in the Democratic party, Kerry finally faced the nation on Thursday evening.

"I'm John Kerry and I'm reporting for duty," Kerry declared.

"America can do better, and help is on the way," Kerry said many times throughout his acceptance speech that officially launched the final leg of the amazing race to the White House.

Kerry:"I Could Have
Danced All Night!"

Kerry declared the American flag doesn't "belong to any president. It doesn't belong to any ideology and it doesn't belong to any political party. It belongs to all the American people."

The Democratic challenger's speech capped a four-day convention designed to persuade millions of undecided voters that he is a man tested by war and ready to assume command.

Personally, I have zero interest in politics. I think the two party system is designed to be unproductive and is mainly in place to give politicians cushy jobs. But, my personal feelings aside, I was very impressed with Kerry's speech. I think he showed what he needed to show and said what he needed to say for the American people to realize that there's an actual person behind the politics.

And Bush's reaction to Kerry's speech.....

Let the race begin!

HMO My God!

2004-07-28T21:16:00.000-07:00

The Doctor Will
C-Section You Now

According to HealthGrades Inc., a Colorado-based company, as many as 195,000 people a year could be dying in U.S. hospitals because of easily prevented errors, a company said on Tuesday in an estimate that doubles previous figures.

The study revealed that about 1.14 million "patient-safety incidents" occurred among the 37 million hospitalizations.

"Of the total 323,993 deaths among Medicare patients in those years who developed one or more patient-safety incidents, 263,864, or 81 percent, of these deaths were directly attributable to the incidents," it added.

"One in every four Medicare patients who were hospitalized from 2000 to 2002 and experienced a patient-safety incident died."

Clean-up On Aisle 2!

"The HealthGrades study shows that the report may have underestimated the number of deaths due to medical errors, and, moreover, that there is little evidence that patient safety has improved in the last five years," said Dr. Samantha Collier, vice president of medical affairs at the company.

"If the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's annual list of leading causes of death included medical errors, it would show up as number six, ahead of diabetes, pneumonia, Alzheimer's disease and renal disease," Collier said.

Personally, I'd like to congratulate the medical profession.
According to this website, doctors were responsible for over 250,000 deaths in 2001. Now, that's what I call improvement!

The Amazing Racer

2004-07-26T18:37:00.000-07:00

Lance Armstrong
Displays His Cup

Lance Armstrong made history Sunday, winning a record-breaking 6th Tour de France, which acknowledges him as one of the greatest athletes of all time.

Armstrong, who just eight years ago was given less than a 50 percent chance of overcoming testicular cancer that spread to his lungs and brain, showed the world, and more importantly, showed the French that he had the strength and determination to overcome incredible odds and to win for an amazing 6th time.

Armstrong was quoted as saying, ""It hasn't sunk in yet. But six, standing on the top step on the podium on the Champs-Elysees is really special," he said."

A Curious Fan Reaches
To Congratulate Armstrong

With the Arc de Triomphe in the background, Armstrong put his yellow bicycle cap over his heart during the raising of the American flag and playing of "The Star-Spangled Banner." It might be his last time on the podium, at least for a while. Armstrong has said he might skip the sport's showcase event next year.

Personally, I think this is one of the great comebacks of all time. Not only in the world of sports, but in the world of...everything. That's right, I said in the world of everything, this story ranks right up there with the best of the best.
Bravo to you, Lance Armstrong! Your cup runneth over!

Lance's response to winning: "I Had A Ball!"

Walking Tall

2004-07-22T17:20:00.000-07:00

Natasha walks like a man...uh, woman!

Talk about bizarre!
A 5-year-old black macaque monkey from the Safari Park Zoo outside of Tel Aviv, began walking exclusively on her hind legs after a stomach ailment nearly killed her, zookeepers said.

Two weeks ago, Natasha and three other monkeys were diagnosed with severe stomach flu. At the zoo clinic, she slipped into critical condition. After intensive treatment, Natasha's condition stabilized. But when she was released from the clinic, Natasha began walking upright!

"I was sure that she was going to die. She could hardly breathe and her heart was not functioning properly." said Igal Horowitz, the veterinarian. "I've never seen or heard of anything like this before!" said Horowitz.

One possible explanation is brain damage from the illness, he said. Otherwise, Horowitz said, Natasha's behavior has returned to normal.

Personally, I think this story is much larger than it appears. I think they might be using some kind of experimental drugs on the animals at this zoo! Or, maybe this is the next step in the planet's evolution! That's why I posted the story hear at the 'I Read It On The Internet Blog'. Remember. You read it here first!
(Unless you read it on this page at CNN.com where I found it!).

"Trust me
This is only the beginning!"

Blame it on the stomach flu if you want, but I personally think this is the evolutionary leap that will usher in a new age of walking monkeys, dogs that can drive a car, and birds that can make cell phone calls! We've officially lost dominance on this planet, people!

You'd better be nice to your pussycat. The revolution has begun!

Damn Dirty Apes!

Shyamalan A Ding Dong

2004-07-19T21:06:00.000-07:00

M. Night Shyamalan
Outstanding In His Field

It was reported Monday that the highly touted television program, 'The Buried Secret of M. Night Shyamalan' was, in actual fact, a hoax.

A spokesperson for the Sci Fi channel confirmed that the programming was more or less a 3 hour infomercial for Shyamalan's upcoming summer thriller, 'The Village'.

The Associated Press, as well as every other media organization for that matter, was basically hoodwinked by a Sci Fi Channel release that claimed Shyamalan pulled out from cooperating in the three-hour film when the documentary filmmakers delved too deeply into his personal life. The director was so ticked, the story goes, that he threatened to sue the documentary producers and prevent the cable channel from airing what it touted as a "disturbing expose."

The so-called 'disturbing' part turned out to be a bogus revelation that Shyamalan's obsession in the supernatural stemmed from the drowning death of a young boy near the filmmaker's Philadelphia home when he was 11. Feigning defiance in the face of potential litigation, Sci Fi said it planned to air the 'Buried Secret' special anyway.

'The Village' Idiot

It wouldn't have been so bad to just have a one hour - or even two hour - special promoting Shyamalan's new movie. After all, he's one of the most original and intriguing of all the current filmmakers. But instead, we got a 3 hour hoax! That's no way to treat a fan base, now is it?!

Shyamalan should be a shyamed of himself.

Click To Hear An Audio Version Of This Story

Martha Meets The Press

2004-07-16T19:07:00.000-07:00

Martha Stewart On Judgement Day

Choking back tears, Martha Stewart was sentenced to five months in prison Friday for lying about a stock sale. But the woman who saw her homemaking empire crippled over a single transaction, smiled boldly and bravely faced the cameras outside the courthouse to denounce the sentence, to pitch her company, and to vow, just like Arnold: "I'll be back."

Martha Objects

While she did not admit guilt in court - a move that could have jeopardized her appeal - Stewart took pains to tell U.S. District Judge Miriam Goldman Cedarbaum she was sorry others had been hurt by the scandal.

She did wax eloquently about the matter as she faced a barrage of media immediately after the sentencing:

"What was a small personal matter became over the last 2½ years an almost fatal circus event of unprecedented proportions spreading like oil over a vast landscape, even around the world," Stewart said.

Like oil over a vast landscape?!! She'd better start learning some new phrases to use in prison. Something more like:

"I been screwed, people! This is wacked!!"

Martha did manage to put a few plugs in for her magazine, encouraging all of her fans to buy a subscription to Martha Stewart Living, and that while in prison, she will be launching a new magazine: Martha Stewart Serving.

And when her 5 months have been served, she wants us all to forget this ugly little incident ever happened.

"Kinda Free Kinda Not...Martha!"

Click On Link To Hear Martha's Reaction To Her Sentence

Lay Down For The Counts

2004-07-08T18:45:00.000-07:00

Ken Lay On Judgement Day
Former Enron CEO Kenneth Lay pleaded innocent Thursday to federal charges that he was involved in his company's attempt to deceive the public, company shareholders and government regulators about the energy company that he founded.

The new indictments, now totaling 53 counts, accused Lay, Skilling and Causey of enriching themselves through salaries, bonuses, grants of stock and stock options.

It names Lay in 11 counts: one of conspiracy, two of wire fraud, four of securities fraud, one of bank fraud and three of making false statements to banks. If convicted on all counts, Lay could receive up to 175 years in prison plus fines possibly totaling more than $5.7 million. However, he may only have to serve 150 years for time off with good behavior.

Lay Flashing His 'Get Out Of Jail Free' Card
The collapse of the Enron Corporation in late 2001 cost investors billions of dollars, put thousands of Enron employees out of work and wiped out retirement savings for many. The company became a symbol of corporate greed and excess, and its fall was followed by a string of scandals at other companies.

Here's a fun little quiz!
Put these famous quotes that apply to Ken Lay in chronological order...

A) Greed Is Good
B) The Rich Get Richer
C) You Reap What You Sow
D) Instant Karma's Gonna Get You

If you guessed A - B - C - D you guessed correctly.

Ken Gets Cuffed

Because of Lay's shady business tactics, er uh, 'alleged' shady business tactics, thousands of Enron's workers lost their jobs, and the stock fell from a high of $90 in August 2000 to just pennies, wiping out many workers' retirement savings. And yet Ken was able to post his $500,000 bond within minutes. I feel good about our judicial system!

Bush: "I've never seen this man before in my life!"

Man Of The Hour?

2004-07-07T19:18:00.000-07:00

John Edwards....Come On Down!
We now know who the next possible Vice President of the United States of America will be. John Edwards.....come on down! You're the next contestant to play Rule That Nation!

Edwards seemed just as shocked as the rest of the nation when John Kerry selected him on Tuesday as his running mate. Even the New York Post was taken by surprise - who predicted a Kerry/Gephardt ticket. But Edwards brings something that the other candidates did not have. Youth and a personality. Kerry is dull as a rock, but the Democratic party is stuck with him. And any attempt at getting the younger voters has to be a good idea. Maybe that was the thinking behind choosing Edwards. But then, maybe he just has some good connections. After all, it's obviously not what you know that gets you into the White House, but who you know. Just ask George W. Bush.

Here's a brief glimpse at the wit and wisdom of John Kerry, from a recent appearance promoting the Kerry/Edwards ticket, as to why a vote for their team is better than a vote for Bush/Cheney...

Kerry declared, "We've got better hair. I'll tell you, that goes a long way."

Kerry used the "better hair" line three times Tuesday and later told reporters that his wife, Teresa, had teased him about it. "Teresa turned and said to me, 'You just lost the bald vote,'" Kerry said, laughing.

Please! My sides!
Somehow I'm sure that John Edwards thought it was hysterical.

Why A Blog?

2004-07-06T18:51:00.000-07:00

Why Not?
Actually, the main reason for this blog is to allow you, the reader, to respond to the stories that I, the writer, write. It allows you to agree, to disagree, to agree to disagree, or whatever the hell else you want to use it for.

But just remember one thing. I am a stern editor! No profanity! Seriously. No four-letter words, no hate-mongering, no vicious threats, etc.

All of that is reserved for the staff.

We've Launched!

2004-07-06T18:23:00.000-07:00

The All New 'I Read It On The Internet Blog' Blog

Okay. You now have another website to bookmark.
Don't worry. You don't go to half of the ones in your Favorites section, anyway.

This is the 'I Read It On The Internet Blog' blog. It's the companion piece to the website: I Read It On The Internet.com, (or www.irioti.com for short).

So remember, if you read it on the internet, there's a slight chance that you read it on
'I Read It On The Internet Blog' blog.

The 'I Read It On The Internet' Blog

Borderline

Why Do You Think They Call It The KillaCycle?!!

Lindsay Lohan: "The Secret Of My Excess"

"It's Fantacular!" (And Only Slightly Confurbing)

"We Wants It...We Needs It....Must Have The Precious iPhone!"

Everybody Wants To Rule The World

When Georgia Doesn't Rule At The Box Office

Are You My Daddy?

The 2006 'Worst Living Person On The Planet' Award

Let The Lawsuits Begin!

Pimp My Writings!

Caffeine-Freebase Cocaine

One Boy's Trash....

Kiss And Make Up

Who Gets To Play My Brother George?

A Series Of Tubes

Rubbed The Wrong Way

Party On, Dude!

Words Of The Day

Adopt-A-Polar Bear!

The Skinny On Star

Access Denied.....Suckers!

How To Dismantle An Atomic President

Hot Pockets

Bubble Boy

Bonus Tracks

Up Against The Wal-Mart

Hang 'Em High

Fortune And Fame

Survive This!

CEOs Paid INXS

Who's Your Diddy?!

The Robot Will See You Now

Gr8 Expectations

Learning Wrong From The Far Right

Updated!(See Below)

Update

Gone....But Still Gonzo!

Facing The Music

X-Ray Visions

Extremely Dirty Politics

Onward Christian Soldiers!

Fly Me To The Moon

Honk If You're Committed!

I Have Two Words For You: 'Metal...Rubber.'

Public Service Announcement!

A Limber Future

Dressed For Excess

Pick Programs To Bootleg

The Boston D Party

HMO My God!

The Amazing Racer

Walking Tall

Shyamalan A Ding Dong

Martha Meets The Press

Lay Down For The Counts

Man Of The Hour?

Why A Blog?

We've Launched!

Updated!
(See Below)