Monday, May 22, 2006

Hot Pockets

An Inconvenient Future

This week brings us the premiere of 'An Inconvenient Truth', the ex-almost-former president Al Gore's documentary on the effects of global warming, the end of civilization as we know it, and how we're all up poop creek if we don't change our ways. It's a sobering look at our immediate future, with not a lot of hope for a sequel.

Gore Faces The Future"

After losing the presidential election in 2000, Gore decided to set politics aside and do something productive with his life. The end result is a fascinating, horrifying, and galvanizing look at the effects of global warming on our cozy little planet. Here's a quote from the official website...

"Humanity is sitting on a ticking time bomb. If the vast majority of the world's scientists are right, we have just ten years to avert a major catastrophe that could send our entire planet into a tail-spin of epic destruction involving extreme weather, floods, droughts, epidemics and killer heat waves beyond anything we have ever experienced."

Not exactly the feel-good hit of the summer, but then sometimes it's a good idea to wake yourself up and smell the carbon dioxide emissions.

Up In Smoke

Gore will be touring the country with his new film, knowing that the media will do what they always do and put the focus on the politics of the film, and whether or not George W. will see it (he's already been quoted as saying he won't). Gore is smart enough to realize that there's no such thing as bad publicity, anyway. But what people need to realize is that this is not a political film. The press may spin it that way, but Gore has been very careful to make this peak into our bleak future to be as non-partisan as possible. The over-use of fossil fuels and the under-use of more efficient and safer modes of power (such as solar, wind, hybrid cars, and George W's favorite - switch grass) is not political. It's practical. Had this film been made by Steven Spielberg, we might not even have to consider the political ramifications or motivations. We'd also no doubt at some point be seeing Tom Cruise rappelling from a glacier.

But at it's smoky magma core, this is a film intended to educate and to irritate those who continue to believe that we can continue to burn up the planet's resources without consequence. All politics aside....please!....the time has come to set our red-state-blue-state differences behind, and to truly rally together for a good cause.....our own survival.

Coming To A Reactor Near You"

The film opens Wednesday, May 24th at selected cities. For more information, visit the official website, which also contains many interesting facts about global warming and what you and I can do to help (hint: lose the Hummer).

Here's the official trailer...

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Bubble Boy

"I Really Gotta Pee!"

He's at it again! That famous street magician David Blaine has hit the streets of New York City once again to promote his latest ABC special: David Blaine: Drowned Alive (sounds sort of like an oxymoron, doesn't it?) But speaking of morons, only this guy could tie up Lincoln Center by placing himself in an 8 foot plexiglass bubble aquarium for one week as he prepares himself for another Great Escape.

"My iPod Is Waterlogged!"

This time, after spending a week in the bubble (allegedly to prepare his body for the strain of staying underwater for nearly ten minutes - but in reality preparing the media for another promotional photo op) The Amazing David will then be released from his plastic prison, only to then be wrapped in 150 pounds of chains, and then re-submerged back into the bubble - sans air tank this time - where he will attempt to escape the chains that bind him while continuing to hold his breath for at least somewhat longer than 8 minutes and 58 seconds - the current world record held by The Soon-To-Be-Not-So-Amazing Martin Stepanek.

"They don't like it when you tap on the glass, Timmy"

Here's hoping that he makes it. Personally, I think it's pretty darn convenient that the time it will take to escape his chains will directly correspond with the time it will take to break the world record for current breath-holding. That is pretty Amazing in itself. But if he really wanted to make the trick more dramatic, he could've worn the chains for the entire week he's been in the bubble. Escaping from rusty chains? Now, that's something I'd actually tune in to see!

"You Think This Is Bad,
You Should See My Dick!"

Alas, The Great Blaine did not break the world record for breath-holding. As the nation held their breath while watching David attempt to complete his stunt on live TV, he unfortunately began to lose his mojo around the 7 minute mark. A rescue team was deployed into the tank to help free him from the ankle chains (so what was the big deal with the emphasis on 150 pounds of chains, anyway? He only had his wrists and ankles handcuffed!) and a disoriented and disappointed Blaine was then pulled out of the bubble. He addressed the crowd, telling them he loved them all, then he was whisked away to a local hospital, where it was later confirmed that he did indeed suffer from liver damage and some serious wrinklage of his appendi. I'll leave it at that.

Nice try, anyway, David. Like the old saying goes, To Air Is Human.

Here's a nice clip from happier times....

Well, from the sound of least two people enjoyed his stunt!