The Boston D Party

The All New JFK

This week brought us the Democratic National Convention from Boston Mass., where John Forbes Kerry was officially nominated to be the Democratic party's Head Honcho for the next four years.

The challenge was to make the wooden, un-charismatic politician to be more open, more presidential, and uh, less wooden.

After ringing endorsement after ringing endorsement throughout the week from everyone from...everyone in the Democratic party, Kerry finally faced the nation on Thursday evening.

"I'm John Kerry and I'm reporting for duty," Kerry declared.

"America can do better, and help is on the way," Kerry said many times throughout his acceptance speech that officially launched the final leg of the amazing race to the White House.


Kerry:"I Could Have
Danced All Night!"

Kerry declared the American flag doesn't "belong to any president. It doesn't belong to any ideology and it doesn't belong to any political party. It belongs to all the American people."

The Democratic challenger's speech capped a four-day convention designed to persuade millions of undecided voters that he is a man tested by war and ready to assume command.



Personally, I have zero interest in politics. I think the two party system is designed to be unproductive and is mainly in place to give politicians cushy jobs. But, my personal feelings aside, I was very impressed with Kerry's speech. I think he showed what he needed to show and said what he needed to say for the American people to realize that there's an actual person behind the politics.





And Bush's reaction to Kerry's speech.....










Let the race begin!

HMO My God!

The Doctor Will
C-Section You Now

According to HealthGrades Inc., a Colorado-based company, as many as 195,000 people a year could be dying in U.S. hospitals because of easily prevented errors, a company said on Tuesday in an estimate that doubles previous figures.

The study revealed that about 1.14 million "patient-safety incidents" occurred among the 37 million hospitalizations.

"Of the total 323,993 deaths among Medicare patients in those years who developed one or more patient-safety incidents, 263,864, or 81 percent, of these deaths were directly attributable to the incidents," it added.

"One in every four Medicare patients who were hospitalized from 2000 to 2002 and experienced a patient-safety incident died."


Clean-up On Aisle 2!

"The HealthGrades study shows that the report may have underestimated the number of deaths due to medical errors, and, moreover, that there is little evidence that patient safety has improved in the last five years," said Dr. Samantha Collier, vice president of medical affairs at the company.

"If the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's annual list of leading causes of death included medical errors, it would show up as number six, ahead of diabetes, pneumonia, Alzheimer's disease and renal disease," Collier said.

Personally, I'd like to congratulate the medical profession.
According to this website, doctors were responsible for over 250,000 deaths in 2001. Now, that's what I call improvement!

The Amazing Racer

Lance Armstrong
Displays His Cup

Lance Armstrong made history Sunday, winning a record-breaking 6th Tour de France, which acknowledges him as one of the greatest athletes of all time.

Armstrong, who just eight years ago was given less than a 50 percent chance of overcoming testicular cancer that spread to his lungs and brain, showed the world, and more importantly, showed the French that he had the strength and determination to overcome incredible odds and to win for an amazing 6th time.

Armstrong was quoted as saying, ""It hasn't sunk in yet. But six, standing on the top step on the podium on the Champs-Elysees is really special," he said."


A Curious Fan Reaches
To Congratulate Armstrong

With the Arc de Triomphe in the background, Armstrong put his yellow bicycle cap over his heart during the raising of the American flag and playing of "The Star-Spangled Banner." It might be his last time on the podium, at least for a while. Armstrong has said he might skip the sport's showcase event next year.

Personally, I think this is one of the great comebacks of all time. Not only in the world of sports, but in the world of...everything. That's right, I said in the world of everything, this story ranks right up there with the best of the best.
Bravo to you, Lance Armstrong! Your cup runneth over!


Lance's response to winning: "I Had A Ball!"

Walking Tall

Natasha walks like a man...uh, woman!

Talk about bizarre!
A 5-year-old black macaque monkey from the Safari Park Zoo outside of Tel Aviv, began walking exclusively on her hind legs after a stomach ailment nearly killed her, zookeepers said.

Two weeks ago, Natasha and three other monkeys were diagnosed with severe stomach flu. At the zoo clinic, she slipped into critical condition. After intensive treatment, Natasha's condition stabilized. But when she was released from the clinic, Natasha began walking upright!

"I was sure that she was going to die. She could hardly breathe and her heart was not functioning properly." said Igal Horowitz, the veterinarian. "I've never seen or heard of anything like this before!" said Horowitz.

One possible explanation is brain damage from the illness, he said. Otherwise, Horowitz said, Natasha's behavior has returned to normal.


Personally, I think this story is much larger than it appears. I think they might be using some kind of experimental drugs on the animals at this zoo! Or, maybe this is the next step in the planet's evolution! That's why I posted the story hear at the 'I Read It On The Internet Blog'. Remember. You read it here first!
(Unless you read it on this page at CNN.com where I found it!).


"Trust me
This is only the beginning!"

Blame it on the stomach flu if you want, but I personally think this is the evolutionary leap that will usher in a new age of walking monkeys, dogs that can drive a car, and birds that can make cell phone calls! We've officially lost dominance on this planet, people!

You'd better be nice to your pussycat. The revolution has begun!




Damn Dirty Apes!

Shyamalan A Ding Dong

M. Night Shyamalan
Outstanding In His Field

It was reported Monday that the highly touted television program, 'The Buried Secret of M. Night Shyamalan' was, in actual fact, a hoax.

A spokesperson for the Sci Fi channel confirmed that the programming was more or less a 3 hour infomercial for Shyamalan's upcoming summer thriller, 'The Village'.

The Associated Press, as well as every other media organization for that matter, was basically hoodwinked by a Sci Fi Channel release that claimed Shyamalan pulled out from cooperating in the three-hour film when the documentary filmmakers delved too deeply into his personal life. The director was so ticked, the story goes, that he threatened to sue the documentary producers and prevent the cable channel from airing what it touted as a "disturbing expose."

The so-called 'disturbing' part turned out to be a bogus revelation that Shyamalan's obsession in the supernatural stemmed from the drowning death of a young boy near the filmmaker's Philadelphia home when he was 11. Feigning defiance in the face of potential litigation, Sci Fi said it planned to air the 'Buried Secret' special anyway.


'The Village' Idiot

It wouldn't have been so bad to just have a one hour - or even two hour - special promoting Shyamalan's new movie. After all, he's one of the most original and intriguing of all the current filmmakers. But instead, we got a 3 hour hoax! That's no way to treat a fan base, now is it?!

Shyamalan should be a shyamed of himself.

Click To Hear An Audio Version Of This Story

Martha Meets The Press

Martha Stewart On Judgement Day

Choking back tears, Martha Stewart was sentenced to five months in prison Friday for lying about a stock sale. But the woman who saw her homemaking empire crippled over a single transaction, smiled boldly and bravely faced the cameras outside the courthouse to denounce the sentence, to pitch her company, and to vow, just like Arnold: "I'll be back."



Martha Objects

While she did not admit guilt in court - a move that could have jeopardized her appeal - Stewart took pains to tell U.S. District Judge Miriam Goldman Cedarbaum she was sorry others had been hurt by the scandal.
 
She did wax eloquently about the matter as she faced a barrage of media immediately after the sentencing:

"What was a small personal matter became over the last 2½ years an almost fatal circus event of unprecedented proportions spreading like oil over a vast landscape, even around the world," Stewart said.

 
Like oil over a vast landscape?!! She'd better start learning some new phrases to use in prison. Something more like:

"I been screwed, people! This is wacked!!"

Martha did manage to put a few plugs in for her magazine, encouraging all of her fans to buy a subscription to Martha Stewart Living, and that while in prison, she will be launching a new magazine: Martha Stewart Serving.

And when her 5 months have been served, she wants us all to forget this ugly little incident ever happened.



"Kinda Free Kinda Not...Martha!"

Click On Link To Hear Martha's Reaction To Her Sentence

Lay Down For The Counts

Ken Lay On Judgement Day
Former Enron CEO Kenneth Lay pleaded innocent Thursday to federal charges that he was involved in his company's attempt to deceive the public, company shareholders and government regulators about the energy company that he founded.

The new indictments, now totaling 53 counts, accused Lay, Skilling and Causey of enriching themselves through salaries, bonuses, grants of stock and stock options.

It names Lay in 11 counts: one of conspiracy, two of wire fraud, four of securities fraud, one of bank fraud and three of making false statements to banks. If convicted on all counts, Lay could receive up to 175 years in prison plus fines possibly totaling more than $5.7 million. However, he may only have to serve 150 years for time off with good behavior.


Lay Flashing His 'Get Out Of Jail Free' Card
The collapse of the Enron Corporation in late 2001 cost investors billions of dollars, put thousands of Enron employees out of work and wiped out retirement savings for many. The company became a symbol of corporate greed and excess, and its fall was followed by a string of scandals at other companies.

Here's a fun little quiz!
Put these famous quotes that apply to Ken Lay in chronological order...

A) Greed Is Good
B) The Rich Get Richer
C) You Reap What You Sow
D) Instant Karma's Gonna Get You

If you guessed A - B - C - D you guessed correctly.


Ken Gets Cuffed

Because of Lay's shady business tactics, er uh, 'alleged' shady business tactics, thousands of Enron's workers lost their jobs, and the stock fell from a high of $90 in August 2000 to just pennies, wiping out many workers' retirement savings. And yet Ken was able to post his $500,000 bond within minutes. I feel good about our judicial system!




Bush: "I've never seen this man before in my life!"

Man Of The Hour?

John Edwards....Come On Down!
We now know who the next possible Vice President of the United States of America will be. John Edwards.....come on down! You're the next contestant to play Rule That Nation!

Edwards seemed just as shocked as the rest of the nation when John Kerry selected him on Tuesday as his running mate. Even the New York Post was taken by surprise - who predicted a Kerry/Gephardt ticket. But Edwards brings something that the other candidates did not have. Youth and a personality. Kerry is dull as a rock, but the Democratic party is stuck with him. And any attempt at getting the younger voters has to be a good idea. Maybe that was the thinking behind choosing Edwards. But then, maybe he just has some good connections. After all, it's obviously not what you know that gets you into the White House, but who you know. Just ask George W. Bush.

Here's a brief glimpse at the wit and wisdom of John Kerry, from a recent appearance promoting the Kerry/Edwards ticket, as to why a vote for their team is better than a vote for Bush/Cheney...

Kerry declared, "We've got better hair. I'll tell you, that goes a long way."

Kerry used the "better hair" line three times Tuesday and later told reporters that his wife, Teresa, had teased him about it. "Teresa turned and said to me, 'You just lost the bald vote,'" Kerry said, laughing.

Please! My sides!
Somehow I'm sure that John Edwards thought it was hysterical.

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Why Not?
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But just remember one thing. I am a stern editor! No profanity! Seriously. No four-letter words, no hate-mongering, no vicious threats, etc.


All of that is reserved for the staff.

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