Saturday, May 12, 2007

When Georgia Doesn't Rule At The Box Office


"Desperate Moviestars"

In our ongoing attempt at getting some seriously-desired attention in the entertaiment world, we at 'I Read It On The Internet' are once again offering up our services to those fine folks in the movie marketing world. Knowing that a good movie review can bring in additional big bucks at the box office, we are once again offering up a completely legitimate movie review of a current movie that could no doubt use a couple of positive slug lines.

Our latest mission of mercy is for a truly putrid film 'Georgia Rule'. With an average Metacritic review of 26 out of 100 (ouch!), this is one film that will have a hard time pulling any positive quotes to place on their posters. That's where we step in. We not only have provided this movie with a fair and decent review (seriously!), but we've also gone ahead and pulled out those much-coveted quotes and placed them on the posters for you! You can thank us later.

And now, with no further ado, here's our legitimate review:

Georgia Rule

Jane Fonda is back! Again! And in a movie that she'll no doubt consider as big of a mistake as last year's way worse film the truly horrible Monster-In-Law! What was she thinking?. But compared to Monster-in Law, Georgia Rule is a huge success.

This newest bit of fluff involves 3 generations of women - can you say 'ultimate chick flick'? - whose lives come together after the mother - played by Felicity Huffman - decides to ship off her troublemaking daughter - the troublemaking Lindsay Lohan - to live with her granny - Fonda, looking quite good for a granny. So, what happens when 3 generations of troubled women get together? 90 minutes of sheer miserable agony that takes the joy out of going to the movies.

The screenplay was written by Marc Andrus - the same guy who brought us 'Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood'. Why did Hollywood give him a second chance?! It's just not right. You'd think Jane Fonda would choose a powerhouse script to make her return to the big screen. Obviously, Monster-In-Law taught us otherwise. Maybe she thinks everyone is really into women fighting, women bonding, women arguing, women bonding, women sharing divine secrets, etc. She would be wrong. Honestly, I can't think of anything more painful than sitting through this mess. Possibly a root canal would be a better way to spend an afternoon than with these griping, bitching, moaning gals.



Obviously, as much as we'd like to endorse this stinker, we still have our scruples. But, fear not, movie promoters! We have devised a way to help you promote your lousy movies. For example, here's the same review, only with certain phrases highlighted, for the sheer purpose of movie poster promotion...


Here's your quote....


Jane Fonda is back! Again! And in a movie that she'll no doubt consider as big of a mistake as last year's way worse film, the truly horrible Monster-In-Law!


...and here's your poster:





Here's your quote....


But compared to Monster-in Law, Georgia Rule is a huge success.


...and here's your poster:





Here's your quote....


So, what happens when 3 generations of troubled women get together? 90 minutes of sheer miserable agony that takes the joy out of going to the movies.


...and here's your poster:




Here's your quote....


You'd think Jane Fonda would choose a powerhouse script to make her return to the big screen. Obviously, Monster-In-Law taught us otherwise.


...and here's your poster:




And finally, here's your quote....


Honestly, I can't think of anything more painful than sitting through this mess. Possibly a root canal would be a better way to spend an afternoon than with these griping, bitching, moaning gals.


...and here's your poster:




So Hollywood movie producers, if you have a true stinker that you just can't buy a decent review for....remember, 'I Read It On The Internet' is here to help.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home