Party On, Dude!

Party-Boy For Rent
(the hat costs extra)

Planning a party?! Not sure how to entertain your guests? Why not consider hiring Britney Spear's husband? That's right, for only a modest fee of $20,000 you can assure your party will be a huge success with the talented Mr. Spears in attendance. What will K-Fed do at your party, you might ask? Silly question. Yo, he will mingle, bro! He will bring some white boy funk to your crib, that's what! He will bring the bling and give some major street cred to your celebrity-starved soiree! But make sure you stock plenty of Coors beer, because that's probably the drink of choice for this upper-class party-boy-for-rent.



"Yo! My contract included sunblock SP25!"


Yes, the official word is that Britney is very happy that her deadbeat hubby finally has a reason to exist, other than to mooch off of her. Now, he can mooch off of others, and even get paid for it! Astoundingly, it's been reported that since thinking up this scam, the Fed-Man has pocketed an estimated $700,000 just in the last four months, alone! Good Lord, that means that 35 people have fallen for this gimmick. Amazing. But what we'd like to know is, how much does he charge to stay away?!


"I promise not to vomit in your pool"


And while we're at it, we'd like to take this opportunity to suggest that Dustin Diamond - TV's Screetch from Saved By the Bell, who has run out of money and owes $250,000 on his mortgage - get off his lazy ass and stop selling T-shirts and start pimping himself out to parties, too. Nobody wants one of your lame shirts, anyway.



Will Beg For Spot on Entertainment Tonight

Or better yet, Dustin should start selling T-shirts that read: "I Attended A Party With Kevin Federline And All I Got Was This Lousy Feeling Inside!"