Caffeine-Freebase Cocaine
Goes Great With
Heroin-Laced Doritos!
Last week a Las Vegas-based beverage company introduced Cocaine to the marketplace. No, not THAT cocaine, but an energy drink that bears the same name. It's a great opportunity for young, impressionable kids to be introduced to the fabulous world of illegal drugs, without really breaking any laws. After all, now that spinach is off the market for a good long while, why not forget the idea of healthy eating altogether and embrace the idea of a mind-numbing sugar-laden energy drink to fill the void!
"I'd Love To Teach The World To Snort
In Per-fect Har-mo-ny!"
There's at least one person who thinks this is a great idea. That would be James Kirby, the drink's inventor. "We're getting a phenomenal response," says Kirby, crediting the drink's early success among consumers from high school kids to 30-year-olds. Kirby confesses that a "throat-numbing" ingredient is added to the drink to emulate that feeling of doing real cocaine, but he won't divulge the identity of that add-in, saying it's confidential. And no doubt, it will stay confidential for another few weeks, before he is arrested and brought up on charges.
The drink is supposed to give a person a "high" coupled with a tingly feeling of euphoria within five minutes of drinking it. That initial boost is followed 15 minutes later by an energy buzz that will last five to six hours. Kirby states this his Cocaine is "350 percent stronger than Red Bull" but that people do not experience the "sugar crash" or jitters that he says some of the other energy drinks can produce. However, he doesn't state anything about the constant grinding of the teeth and the overwhelming desire to steal your mother's pocketbook in order to go out and buy another six-pack of the stuff.
Liquid Cocaine!
Not Just For Lawyers And Club Hoppers Anymore!
Currently, the drink can be found only in limited supply in the Los Angeles and New York markets. This reporter had to visit 3 locations mentioned on the official website before getting his fix....er, uh before finding and testing the product in a purely journalistic fashion. And I'm happy to report that it's good....really, really good....eh, heh, heh, heh....seriously goooooood......!
"I Endorse This
Product Wholeheartedly!"
posted by IriotiGuy @ 7:15 PM
8 comments
8 Comments:
HYSTERICAL!!!!
"I'd like to teach ..." funny, funny, funny.
This product's not funny though. I can only imagine the abuse. People are already drinking Red Bull and Vodka - how strong will this be when liquor is added to it. The kids will go crazy with this!.
I saw this product mentioned last week on a talk show - then on the news on Friday. I'm so surprised it passed the FDA - it will be used for a diet-aid for energy to be for sure (regardless of the sugar - even more so if there is a sugar-free version).
Isn't the reason they banned Ephedra (Ma Huang-Guarana ... i.e.: herbal speed & caffiene) was for these similiar effects resulting in heart murmers and death?
What is WRONG with this guy? Of course - he will probably be a multi-millionaire before they shut this product down.
But then I loved phen-fen ... so when are they going to make this in the diet-cola variety ... or will that be too close to the competition (didn't Coke - originally have the "real thing" in it)?
Okay - this is just nuts! I went to the link for the original site and they are already overloaded!! A "phenomenal success" states Kirby:
"Our server was overloaded and the website and email had to be shutdown until a new server and a wider pipe could be put in to place to handle the load. We had a total of 6,738,165 web hits from Sunday through Saturday."
This is only the beginning. What's next ... smuggling to Columbia?
When the world wants to know why America lost its edge, all it will have to do is look at this product as a horribly obtuse example of the wretchedness of a limitlessly consumerist, consumption-driven society.
Pathetic only begins to describe what this is.
that's nuts i'm going to get me some cocaine energy drink
This is My Site to Buy Cocaine Drink
http://BuyCocaineDrink.com
Im honest - I work hard to try to bring a FAIR price.
Thank you
Shawn Smith
The real Cocaine Energy Drink site
I "borrowed" your pics to post about the extended ban on Cocaine in Texas. I also added a link to your blog. Hope that's ok with you.
Please let me know if not. Thanks, BT
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