CEOs Paid INXS

The 1st Annual OMP Award!

Times are tough. But not for everybody. That is, not if you're the Chief Executive Officer of a major multi-million dollar corporation in the United States of America! Most likely for you, it's a wonderful life.

I Read It On The Internet - or better known by it's acronym IRIOTI - has decided to pay tribute to some other acrimonious acronyms....the CEOS that were paid INXS for 2005. The OMP Award - named after the character Old Man Potter from 'It's A Wonderful Life', is awarded to those who excel at excess, at the expense of its employees and stockholders. Any one of these nominees would make Mr. Potter proud.


Here are our official picks:



Larry Johnston - Albertson's
Larry Johnston is the CEO of the supermarket superchain Albertson's. Mr. Johnston has paid himself a total of about $76 million dollars in over the past four years....while stockholders of Albertson's watched as their stocks fell 39% over that same period. Talk about a clean-up in Aisle 7!



Scott McNealy - Sun Microsystems
Scott McNealy, the founder and CEO of Sun Microsystems, awarded himself a salary of over $13 million dollars over the past four years....while the sun went down on the stockholders, who lost about 76% of their investments.



Gary Smith - Ciena
Ciena's stockholders have literally lost 93% of their investments in Ciena over the past four years. But Ciena CEO Gary Smith has seen a salary of approximately $41 million dollars over that same period.


And the Old Man Potter Award for 2005 goes to.....



Richard Fairbank - Capital One
Mr. Fairbank banked a whopping $85 million dollars - the very same year that Capital One closed its Tampa, Florida credit card center....laying off more than 1000 employees! Old Man Potter would most definitely be proud!

Well, at least now we know....what's in your wallet, Richard!

Who's Your Diddy?!

"Make Room For 'Diddy'"

In an announcement that has shocked the Hollywood community
- and very possibly the rest of the free world -
rapper Sean ("John".."Puffy"..."Puff Daddy"..."P. Diddy") Combs has decided yet once again to change his name.


"It's the era of 'Diddy" Combs has somehow decided. And with that decree, Sean (or whatever he's called) now wants to 'drop the P' and from now on and henceforth wishes only to be known as 'Diddy'.


"Don't CALL Me "P"!!!"

As for what brought about this latest name drop, the entertainer admitted that his previous name change left his fans uncertain of how to address him. "I felt like the 'P' was getting between me and my fans and now we're closer," Diddy said.

Well, who can blame the man?!!
Who in their right mind would want the 'P' getting in the way?!! I'm surprised he made it this long holding onto the 'P'! Imagine how many more fans he could've gotten closer to....if the 'P' hadn't gotten in the way!



"Much Better Without The 'P'!
The 'P' Was Gettin' In The Way!"

In a related story, no news has yet been released regarding the 'Sean John' line of clothing that 'Diddy' produces. However, the sweat shops in the Honduras that manufacture 'Diddy's' Duds are on high alert...preparing to remove those 'Sean John' tags, and replacing them with the much more appropriate tag: 'John'. Just in case he doesn't want the 'Sean' getting in the way.


"If I Gotta Tear Off All These Tags,
I Want An Extra 4 Cents A Day!"

In future days, I think we will all look back on this day and remember exactly where we were and what we were doing when we heard that Diddy dropped the 'P'!

The Robot Will See You Now

"Greetings, patient."
"Please inform me of your illness."


As if you weren't already paying through the roof for your insurance premiums, waiting weeks for a doctor appointment, and receiving substandard treatment, here's another thing to raise your blood pressure....the Robot Doctor!

That's right, currently in a couple of major hospitals (John Hopkins, UCLA Medical Center) the latest in non-invasive doctor care is being tested with the appearance of DR2D2, a motorized robot that is run by a doctor, somewhere far, far away.


"Forceps.....Suture.....Squeegee...."


The robot features a computer screen for a head, a video camera for eyes and a speaker for a mouth. It walks (or rolls), talks, and most importantly, listens. "That's because the robot is directly linked to a real doctor who uses the robot as it ears, mouth and eyes," says Louis Kavoussi, M.D., Hopkins professor of urology and a pioneer in robotic surgery.


"Good morning, Mrs. Mendelbahm!
Can you stick out your tongue and yell "Ahh?!!"


"You'll have to sit up, dear. Your tongue is out of focus!"

Billed as the world's first remote-presence robot by its manufacturer, InTouch Health Inc, the robot is controlled with a joystick by an actual living, breathing doctor. Looking at a computer terminal, the doctor sees what the robot sees and hears what the robot hears. Fortunately for the doctor, he avoids smelling what the robot smells. The patients can see and talk to the doctor's face displayed on a flat screen that sits on the robot's "shoulders." All thanks to a high-speed internet connection!


"Let's see...2 more patients, then surf for porn"


Dr. Kavoussi adds, "Generally, the robot has been used to check up on patients in between when they would normally see a physician. During these visits, we ask them about how they are feeling, inspect their surgical sites to ensure they are healing properly, and answer any questions they have." However, Dr. Kavoussi did not elaborate on whether any of these questions were "When the hell are you gonna show up in person, doc?!!"


If the Robot Doctors are a success, many doctors plan on having the computers and joysticks attached to their golf carts. It will make treatment soooo much easier for them.