Monday, March 10, 2008


Madonna was just one of the bigger names inducted into this year's Class of 2008 edition of the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. But instead of singing live like most of the other inductees (at least the ones still among us), she allowed none other than Iggy Pop to interpret a couple of her songs during the live ceremony Monday night. But...why Iggy Pop?! Was Weird Al Yankovic not available?!

Lucky Star

After an extreeeeeemely lengthy introduction by Justin Timberlake, Madonna approached the podium and offered up and exreeeeeeeemely lengthy recap of her rock and roll career (ehem). She looked fantastic, but she must've decided that she didn't want to let them see her sweat, so instead of performing any one of her many, many classic rock and roll hits (ehem), she chose instead to sit down front and center alongside Justin and her manager and allow true rock and roll legend Iggy Pop to sing for her. And his choice of Madonna tunes? Ray of Light. How appropriate! (sample lyric: "She's got herself a universe...she's got herself a universe.....") Then again, maybe that IS appropriate.

"Keep It Together, Justin"

"Check, please!"

This had to be one of the weirdest, most awkward moments in rock and roll history ever televised. Even the unflappable Clive Davis looked stunned as a shirtless Iggy jumped down from the stage and tried to motivate the room full of music industry movers and shakers. Only this crowd wasn't moving or shaking.

"Feel the music!", Iggy shouted to the crowd...."Feel Something!"
My skin is still crawling.

Rescue Me

After the performance, the cameras followed Iggy backstage, where he introduced a stunned and awkward Madonna to members of his band, followed by a brief photo op. Pro that she is, Madonna put on her best game face and struck a provocative pose, anyway.

Meanwhile on stage, John Mellencamp graciously accepted his award and proceeded to wow the crowd with a nice set of three songs.....all sung by John Mellencamp.

Express Yourself

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Why Do You Think They Call It The KillaCycle?!!

"Killa Bill" On A Better Day

We thought it would be fun to attend this year's Wired NextFest at the Los Angeles Convention Center and take some videos to share with our viewers. So, we did. And we posted our videos on YouTube so that everyone on the World Wide Web would be able to enjoy them, and thus increase our exposure (we're always looking for ways to expose ourselves).

First up, our lame little videos.
We got to see an interesting demonstration of a wireless big screen TV....

And of course, the inevitable robot demo.....

Nice enough videos, you might say. But we know what you're thinking; "If you've seen one Korean spaceman robot in the likeness of Albert Einstein, you've seen them all".

However, we didn't think that we would be out-YouTubed by an incident that happened at the event the day prior to our attendance. But, we were. Those fine folks over at got the scoop of the weekend by interviewing the inventor (and destroyer) of the world's fastest motorcycle, the "KillaCycle".

We'd love to post the YouTube video here, but those fine folks over at TGDaily have disabled the thing from blog-sharing, so we'll do them a huge favor anyway and post a link to their site where you can watch the actual interview and demontration and subsequent crash of the KillaCycle here.

(waiting for you to come back)

Yes, it was quite a demonstration. Imagine straddling a virtual rocket-on-wheels (they declare that the cycle can go from Zero to 60 mph. in less than one second!) and not thinking to put on some sort of protective gear. Say, maybe something like - oh, I don't know.....a HELMET??!!!!

Here's a few screen captures from the video of what happened....

Inventor Bill Dube during interview...

Inventor Bill Dube prepares for burn-out...

Inventor Bill Dube attempts a burn-out...

Inventor Bill Dube loses control of burn-out...

Inventor Bill Dube goes from
Zero to Flat in .09 seconds...

Inventor Bill Dube gets loaded up
for a slow ride to the E.R.

We're happy to report that Mr. Dube is fine. A little bruised up - both physically and egotistically - but no major damage. He even posted on his official Killacycle website that his fast-ass motorcycle was okay, despite a being a little bent. He's obviously a little bent, himself, if you ask us. But hey, there's no such thing as bad publicity. After all, he did a great job of stealing our thunder. And we're really looking forward to seeing what this nutcase does next!

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Lindsay Lohan: "The Secret Of My Excess"

"This Picture Is Just So Rude!"

Hi, everybody! It's me, Lindsay!* A lot of really, really mean and nasty things have been written about me this past week, and I just wanted to take this opportunity to set my, set THE record straight about what really happened. Those annoying and nasty reporters have been saying that I'm out of control and that I'm a drunk and that I'm a drug addict and stuff. Well, that's just really rude! What did I ever do to deserve this kind of treatment?

I just don't know why the press makes me out to be some sort of wild and out-of-control party girl who drinks too much and does illegal drugs and doesn't show up on time for my movies and gets drunk in public places and then passes out in her car and then also drives drunk and also drives on a suspended license and drives over people's feet and stuff. I mean, come on! That's just so mean! And now they're saying that I was drunk one night this past week and chased my ex-assistant's mom in her SUV at 1:30 in the morning! That's just crazy! I would definitely remember if I did something like that!

"I don't remember doing
anything like this AT ALL!!!"

Anyway, I guess the police somehow believed the press, because now they have my mug shot plastered all over the internet. I just wonder how they can get away with distributing these obviously phony picture of me after being arrested! I mean, come on! I would obviously have remembered having my picture taken for the police! I'm really seriously thinking about suing somebody! It's just not fair how I keep getting picked on when I haven't done anything wrong! I don't even drink! Or do cocaine! Or pass out in my own car! Or drive over people's feet! I would definitely remember doing something like that!

"I SWEAR I would remember
doing something like this!"

So now, those nasty people in the press are saying that I might have to go to jail, or something. Why do they keep picking on me?! I always stop and pose for them when I walk down the red carpet and stuff! I always remember to use Visine before getting my picture taken for them! I just don't get why they want me to go to jail?! I haven't even done anything wrong! I really don't drink. Or do cocaine. Or pass out in my own car! Or drive over people's feet! I would definitely remember doing something like that!

"Here's another fake internet picture
of me looking drunk. How rude!!!"

So I really, really hope that this clears everything up! I personally would never print false stories about famous celebrities and their weird problems, or make fun of them on stupid websites! Obviously, there are a lot of people out there in the world that are just mean and stupid! So, now that I've stated my case and cleared everything up, maybe everybody will just go away and leave me alone. I really don't have time for all this mean stuff! I just want to have fun!
Lots and lots and lots of fun!

So anyway, everybody please go see my new movie, 'I Know Who Killed Me', playing in a theater near you! Oh, and my attorney wanted me to add this... "Addiction is a terrible and vicious disease". Whatever that means! Okay, I really gotta run! My friends are throwing a big support party for me later tonight at Les Deux!

"I'm steppin' out tonight!!!"

*Written by Lindsay Lohan celebrity impersonator

Sunday, July 15, 2007

"It's Fantacular!" (And Only Slightly Confurbing)

New Words To Live By

Since we obviously don't have enough words in the English language to communicate effectively, every year around this time, the fine folks over at Mirriam-Webster announce their newest entries for their latest version of America's best-selling dictionary, Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, Eleventh Edition. It's not an easy job selecting which words are deemed worthy enough for submission, and even though we at I Read It On The Internet have done our best in the past to offer up our own selection (see previous story) it's still up to those fine folks at Mirriam-Webster to be The Deciders.

"I Am STILL The Decider,
And That Word Is Copywrited!"

And even though we would have loved to see our own previous suggestions from last year chosen (they weren't) we won't hold that against them. We'll even make a few more suggestions for them to ignore....

First up, let's take a look at the new words they seem to think are better than squidchops, and dickwads (seriously, we're not bitter). The ginormous winner this year is .....Ginormous! Yes, the fine folks at Mirriam-Webster have chosen their Big New Word to be an actual merger of two existing words, Gigantic and Enormous. Many of us have heard people actually using this word. And many of us have actually thrown up in our own mouths every time we hear this stupid word being used. But, hey, if the fine folks at Mirriam-Webster like it, then who are we to say otherwise (seriously, we've gotten over last year's snub, and we are NOT bitter!).

In addition to Ginormous, several other new words that have gotten the official Miriam-Webster Seal-of-Approval are:

Crunk - "a style of rap music featuring repetitive chants and rapid dance rhythms".
Here again, we have a word created from two existing words, crank and drunk, which if you look up those two words in the dictionary, you'll see a picture of my Uncle Lester (even though he's not quite hip enough to wear crunkteeth).

Nocebo - "a harmless substance that when taken by a patient is associated with harmful effects due to negative expectations or the psychological condition of the patient".
Once again, a hybrid word consisting of a Placebo, which is a harmless substance taken by a patient with no side effects, and the word....uh, Not? Since it's.....not harmless?!

DVR - "digital video recorder".
Word on the street is that the word TiVo is pretty pissed off at being snubbed this year.

So once again, we here at I Read It On The Internet have taken it upon ourselves to submit a few more additional words for next year's edition. Now that we see a trend of merged words developing, here's a few merged words of our own....

Spectastic (adj. - spek-tas-tik )
For times when you feel that something is both spectacular AND fantastic. Also acceptable is the word Fantacular!

Beautquisite (adj. - be-yoot-skwiz-it)
A perfect word for someone who is a combination of beautiful AND exquisite. Also can be pronounced as Exquisiful!

Confurbing (adj. - con-fer-bing)
The process of combining existing words can be a combination of confusing and disturbing. It can also be quite Disfusing!

Maybe next year, we'll see some of these new words submitted to the Mer-Web Collegionary, Twelfth Edition!

A Work In Progress