Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Hang 'Em High

S _ D D _ M
T R I _ L

After nearly 2 years since his capture and arrest, the trial of The People Of The World vs Saddam Hussein FINALLY got underway this week in Baghdad, proving that the Iraqi judicial system is just as screwed up as America's judicial system.

A defiant Saddam argued with the judges, scuffled with the guards, and rejected the tribunal's right to judge him, insisting he is still the president of Iraq. Several of the judges later complained of headaches, due to the uncontrollable rolling of their eyes at the various comments made by Hussein througout the proceedings.

"I'm out of order?! YOUR'E out of order!
This whole country is out of order!!"

Saddam was grumpy from the getgo. When the judge asked him to take the stand, Saddam got up from his chair, approached the podium, but refused to state his name for the record. Instead, he turned the question back on the presiding judge, Rizgar Mohammed Amin.

"Who are YOU? I want to know who YOU are," Saddam demanded.

"I do not respond to this so-called court, and I retain my constitutional right as the president of Iraq," he said, ignoring Amin's attempts to quiet him. Instead, Saddam continued to listen to the voices in his looney-tunes head, declaring that he was still large and in charge.

After repeatedly refusing to give his name, Saddam finally sat down. Judge Amin read his name for him, calling him the "former president of Iraq."

"I said I'm the president of Iraq," Saddam snapped back. "Not former president!" He then proceeded to order his imaginary minions to jab needles into the judge's testicles. The judge seemed unfazed.

"Oohhh, you're gonna get it, judge.
You're really gonna get it!!"

The first session of the trial lasted about three hours. The judge ordered an adjournment until November 28th, after a request from Saddam's attorneys for more time to prepare their case. Evidently, 2 year of prep time was just not quite enough.

Saddam and his seven dwarfed co-defendants could face the death penalty by hanging if convicted for the 1982 massacre of nearly 150 Shiites in the town of Dujail. The trial is the first of about a dozen cases prosecutors intend to bring against Saddam and members of his inner circle in an attempt to hold them accountable for a 23-year regime that saw tens of thousands of Iraqis killed and imprisoned. The killings that are the subject of this Dujail trial took place after an attempt on Saddam's life there. Although Saddam promised only the guilty would be punished, evidently he saw fit to find at least 150 guilty.

Overall, some believe Saddam is guilty of killing up to 300,000 people over his three decades of dictatorship. And yet, Saddam sees himself as innocent. "I am not guilty," he declared, "I'm just very, very misunderstood".

"I am so incredibly pissed about this!!"

Obviously, there will be much more to come, and much more to enjoy as Saddam tries to weasel his way out of his inevitable fate. When reached for comment, the entire world reported that they were very, very pleased.