Sunday, November 19, 2006

The 2006 'Worst Living Person On The Planet' Award

Previous Winner

Yes, it's that time again! Time for our annual 'Worst Living Person On The Planet' award for 2006. Better known by it's acronym, the WLPOTP award has gone out to some really, really disgusting humans in the past. And this year's winner honors the tradition in classic style.

And the nominees are:

Nominee #1

Kim Jong Il

This wacko world leader from North Korea had the nerve to try and get the world's attention by setting off some nuclear bombs this year. Unlike Saddam, this ruler is proud of his Weapons of Mass Destruction, and wanted nothing better than to blow something up real good. His threats were taken seriously, until he backed way, way down after China threatened to kick his scrawny ass.

Nominee #2

Osama bin Laden

Still a popular favorite in the 'Worst Living Person On The Planet' running, this loopy cavedweller remained pretty much Missing In Action throughout 2006. He still may make a surprise appearance sometime in 2007, so he still has a good chance at winning next year.

Nominee #3

Saddam Hussein

Loses the award because by the end of the year, he may no longer be living.

Nominee #4

George Herbert Walker Bush

A very close contender for the award, Bush also loses by default because of winning the 'Worst President Ever' award.

And this year's winner for 'Worst Living Person On The Planet' goes to.....

O.J. Simpson

Yes, we are proud to award the Worst Living Person On The Planet award to the man "allegedly' responsible for "allegedly" murdering his wife and her boyfriend, and then not only avoiding any prison time, but now is proudly promoting his new book, "If I Did It", where he supposedly tells the story of how a misunderstood ex-football player with a nasty history of spousal abuse might have been able to slit his wife's throat, along with her boyfriend's throat, and then leave them dying in their own blood. His kids should be so proud.

So kudos to you, OJ! You also win the award for the SWTBB award.
(That's 'Scum With The Biggest Balls' award).

Ach!!! But This Award Is Mein! All Mein!!!

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Let The Lawsuits Begin!

Don't Go There!

This past week, Universal Tube & Rollform Equipment Corporation decided to file a lawsuit against flavor-of-the-month website That's because Universal Tube & Rollform Equipment Corporation's website, has been inundated with visits from internet geeks around the world who don't know how to spell YouTube, but still want to watch the latest crashing skateboarder video.

In a lawsuit filed last Monday in U.S. District Court, Universal Tube & Rollform Equipment Corporation alleged that the web address confusion has led to more than 70,000 daily visits from retards who don't know how to spell, arriving at the pipe firm's web site looking for videos. Along with increased bandwidth costs (over $2500 monthly, up from $100), the company complains that the traffic increase has led to its servers crashing on multiple occasions and the arrival of web site visitors who "are not the kinds of visitors that Plaintiff wants at its website."

"We prefer visitors who are into tubes," President Ralph Girkins might have stated, had he been interviewed by this website. "We want people who need information about tubes, tube mills, rollformers, fasteners, machine tools, and wire machinery. Not people who want to see cats trained to crap in a toilet." he might have added.

Universal Tube & Rollform Equipment Corporation, which has used the address since 1996 (since it's much easier to remember 'utube' instead of '' which should be their real acronym, just like I Read It On The Internet uses as it's main URL) wants to cease and desist using its web address. Uh...good luck, UTube!

One Very Good Reason To Sue?"

Hmmm! We wonder if this sudden decision to sue YouTube might have anything to do with the fact that Google purchased just last month. After all, just two months ago, YouTube was an entertaining and silly little website that occassionally got into trouble for hosting copywritten videos posted by its users. But now that the site - and its owners - are worth billions of dollars, might the fine folks over at Universal Tube & Rollform Equipment Corporation be smelling a cash cow?!

So now that YouTube has got deep pockets, let's look at some other website that should take advantage of the nation's inability to spell and accidentally wind up at their websites, therefore causing undue stress and strain on their servers....

A site evidently devoted to finding your Arab soulmate, or maybe just a cool Islamic ringtone. They should definitely sue!

Type in this URL, and you're mysteriously redirected to either - a site dedicated to links for aficionados of fine art, or - a site dedicated to kinky sex. Obviously, they've already figured out how to take advantage of those internet geeks who don't know how to spell.

Some sort of internet dating site that encourages people to upload their videos for dating purposes. Actually, YouTube should sue them!

Personally, we at I Read It On The Internet think that YouTube actually should change their name. After all, what does YouTube even mean? It would actually make more sense to be called, or, or, or But YouTube?! Why, that makes as much sense as someone calling their site Google.

Uh....never mind.